Five Little Words

Part 12

Day 18 of rehab: 28th of May 2019.

I've started eating again - or at least, trying to. It's hard when you've barely eaten for almost a month. But so far it's been enough to keep the nurses (and my family) off my case for a while. Admittedly, it's just barely more than a few mouthfuls here and there, maybe at breakfast and dinner only, but everyone seems to be happy that I'm at least trying to eat again.

I think Ant's surprise really kind of spurred me back into action again - made me realise that there are so many people out there who actually genuinely want to see me better again, and that I wasn't getting anywhere feeling guilty and sorry for myself.

It made me realise just how much I was letting everyone down by basically giving up.

I know I'll look back on this part of my life and I'll remember the pain, the fear, the anxiety, the uncertainty. But now I also know that I'll remember the love, the encouragement, the positivity coming from so many friends and strangers - I think that's what's hit us the most, the fact that it's not just friends who are out there rooting for us to get back in the game. But there are so many people whom I've never even met that are still behind us all the way, and it's their support that I think means the most.

(Apart from that of my family and by best mate, don't be so daft!)

I really hope that I'll get to properly thank everybody soon, because they need to know just how much of a turnaround their messages have been for me, and how much they've pushed us into realising just how loved and supported we both are.

And for that, I'll always be eternally grateful.

*****

Day 21 of rehab: 1st of June 2019.

Happy summer!

If only I was actually able to go outside and enjoy it.

I've been here for three weeks now, and it's been a month since the accident, and things still aren't going quite so well.

I woke up this morning feeling pretty rotten, with a sore throat and just aching all over. I was tired and snappy, and I'm ashamed to say that I nearly made one of the young nurses run away. I'll have to apologise pretty smartly when I see her next.

Urgh, now my head's hurting - that's the last thing I need, a bloody migraine on top of the rest of this horrible mess.

Going to sleep now, hopefully I'll feel a bit better when I wake up.

*****

Day 21 continued:

Nope. Still don't feel better. In fact, now I just feel worse.

I started getting chills not long after I finished my last entry, and it took us ages to fall asleep, only to be woken a few minutes later by another nurse who was trying to force-feed some slosh down my throat.

Actually, it was pretty tasty slosh, but I felt so awful that I couldn't really enjoy it, and I turned away after just two mouthfuls.

She's clearly been informed about the struggles to get me to eat, but she seemed much more understanding than a lot of the other nurses, and she just patted me on the shoulder and left.

I was surprised at that, but grateful at the same time. Honestly, I was just glad that she wasn't going to try and force me to eat - that definitely wouldn't have ended well......

(The writing here starts to look wobbly and shaky)

Oh great, the shivers are back. Gonna stop and try and warm up a bit - feel so cold.....