Everything Has Changed

Chapter Twenty Three: Questioned

Chapter Twenty Three: Questioned

I didn't really now what to do with myself, so I laid in bed listening to country music and crying. I heard my Dad come in. I heard him call me for dinner, so I pretended to sleep so he would leave me alone.

"Gracelyn Beth Levinsky, get your ass out here! Now!" Dad shouts.

I sniffle and wipe my tears, pushing myself out of bed.

I walk into the living room and he looks pissed.

"Why did your school call me saying you missed periods fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh?"

Usually I would just argue with him, but I can't. I don't have the energy.

So instead, I just say, "I'm sorry."

Tears roll down my cheeks and I feel guilty for crying in front of him. I know he feels horrible for everything with my Mom and he gets sad when I cry.

But I need somebody right now, and he's all I have left.

His anger fades.

"What happened kiddo?"

I walk over to him and he opens his arms. I walk into them. He hugs me tightly and he smells like my Dad and it reminds me of safety and warmth, and I just start sobbing.

He rubs my back and runs his fingers through my hair and shushes me.

One I calm down, he pushes me onto a bar stool and gets me a plate of the casserole he made.

"Is it Danny?" He asks.

My chin quivers and I sniffle.

"It's everything, Dad. It's everything all at once. I miss being a little kid when all I had to worry about was scraping my knee when I fall off my bike. I miss the freedom of running around Danny's backyard and playing in the treehouse, and our feelings were just feelings and we were happy kids. I miss having a Mom. I miss when Mom actually cared about me. I miss when she would help me bake cookies for holidays. I miss Danny so much, and I love him so much but he won't talk to me so I can tell him how I feel. I feel so alone and so sad and depressed, and I want to do more than live. I just want to be happy, but I'm not happy. I can't be happy, because Danny makes me happy. I have no friends. I have nobody, and I wanted to feel wanted by somebody, and when Danny was there waiting, I couldn't let him because my Mom who was the best Mom in the world made me scared to love, because what happens if one day Danny goes crazy and does something like what Mom did? You were right. I should have swiped him up when I had the chance, but I didn't because I didn't feel for him in the way that I do now, and I'm so sad. I'm so sad Dad, and I just-" I cut off by burying my head in my hands. "I just want Danny to talk to me. I just want Mom to not be crazy. I want to go back to when she was a good Mom, because I miss having her here. I miss having a Mom, and I fucking miss Jackson, and Danny, and everything. I miss everything. I miss having somebody to talk to and hang out with. I don't know what to do. I'm so sad and it hurts to get out of bed. I don't want to get out of bed anymore. And Beatrice would usually be my Mom figure after everything with Mom, but I can't go to her because it's about her son!" I hit the counter. "Before Mom started drinking, what would she tell me to do?"

He looks really sad seeing me like this.

He sighs slowly.

"She would tell you not to give up. If you really do love him, you need to force him to listen to you."

"How?" I sniffle.

"There are two things you can't stop using unless you lose them. Hearing, taste, and smell...so three things. He can shut his eyes, but he has to hear you. He has no choice, unless he plugs his ears, but he won't. He's stubborn, yes, but he's curious, and I know because I changed his diapers. And he's in love with you, so he's going to listen...as long as he has no choice."