BOYS OF SUBURBIA [boy x boy] [Wattys 2018]

✗ FIFTY-TWO ✗

The last three days of Sebastian's life had been hell on earth.

With Niko subdued into unconsciousness, Sebastian's life had consisted of drifting in and out of the hospital and waiting outside the hospital room, pacing up and down for hours at a time, hoping and hoping Niko hadn't gone too far this time.

But this was them, wasn't it?

They had always gone too far. They had gone too far with Denise, pushing her to buy more drugs just so she could pay them more. They had gone too far with Greg, just so his home life could be more bearable. And this time Niko had gone too far. One more time.

His home life was still a mess to be cleaned. Juliet was still trying to recover from Greg's deaths. It had been completely ruled out as an accident, which put Sebastian's nerves to rest, and now their finances were pouring in. The insurance company had cashed out and the bank had arranged it for his mother to be the sole manager of the account she shared with Greg.

On a night when the hospital finally kicked him out of the waiting room, saying they would call him the minute Niko wakes up, Sebastian returned back to his house, a place where he could finally call home without the dread of facing Greg. When he walked through the front door, the house wafted with an unfamiliar scent- Sebastian was struck when he realised it was chocolate chip cookies. His mother was baking.

"Mum?' he prompted as he emerged from the walkway. He entered the kitchen and saw his mother with an apron laced across her plum waistline. She had her back turned, facing the oven as she pulled out a tray of freshly baked goods. "What you're doing?"

"Well, baking silly!"

Sebastian blinked. "But...why?" His mother hadn't touched the oven ever since he was five.

His mother was beaming brightly, smiling for the first time since Greg had died. "Because it's time for a celebration."

"Are the cookies done?" Violet yelled from her room.

"Yes, Violet. Come down, I have amazing news to tell the both of you."

Sebastian suppressed the urge to raise his eyebrows conspiratorially and waited for Violet to come dawdling in. She was dressed to go out; her makeup in full-force with the cherry red lips and cat eyeliner as well as a tight denim skirt and a tube top. "What is it?" Violet reached out to grab a cookie. She plopped it into her mouth.

"Well...I managed...to find a job."

"A job? That's great, Mum!" And he meant it. He really did. Greg never liked Juliet working. He had this crazy idea that women weren't meant to be in the workplace.

"Yeah, yeah...the thing is..." His mother inhaled a deep breath. "It's in Scotland."

What?

"Take it," Violet said sharply.

"What? But that means we have to..." Sebastian felt like everything was spinning out of his grasp. It had begun with Denise's death and now everything was slowly unravelling away from his control.

"I know." His mother's happiness rescinded. "We would have to move to Scotland."

"I...I..." Sebastian failed to find the correct words. "When do we have to go?"

"Next week."

It felt like Sebastian was having a nightmare. He had been having nightmares ever since Denise had died. It was dreams of drowning in ink-black water; of fingers reaching for him, still and cold as death. He didn't know what to say. He wanted to be happy. It had been all he hoped for- moving away from miserable Bristol, saying goodbye to the house Greg had raised them in, his mother finally removing that awful part of her life...but it also meant saying goodbye to Niko.

Yet, there was an urge in him that told him, maybe this was the best. It was clear he and Niko were too toxic for each other. They caused danger wherever they went, destroying the lives of whom they come across- Denise, Arissa, Greg, themselves. After everything that happened, from the moment his eyes landed on the boy's at a supermarket (which seemed eons ago) to now, he needed a breather, a chance to go somewhere quieter, more peaceful, a place where Niko Salinger ceased to exist, a place where he and Niko were not burdened with the blood and the sins stained on their hands.

He and Niko could not exist like a normal romance novel- simply because in their very nature they were not one. Romance novels typically featured a girl and a boy, Adam and Eve. A beautiful boy with his characteristic swagger and a penchant for leaning suavely against the wall and an equally stunning girl, who had flowers in her hair and a mouth like Valentine.

He and Niko didn't do cliche- or romance. They were boy and boy, darkness and darkness, trapped to orbit together forever by each other's gravitational pull. And maybe that was good for a moment of infinite dark passion, but not for the long-term.

So he clenched his fists and his eyes shut, praying that out of all the decisions he made so far, this would be the one that was finally right.

"Let's go."

-

:( :( :(

it's all coming to an end...

man, it's so weird to be finishing this. i never thought i would since i've been writing since 2015 I think?

(i was 16 when i thought of this yikes)

anyway, hope you enjoy! dedicated to soairses.