Unexpected fate

Chapter III

It's 3:34pm and I'm stuck in traffic, I'm 4 minuets late to pick up Mathew I'm never late, I start to tap my fingers along the steering wheel getting impatient.
By the time I reached Mathew's school it was 3:42, I pulled up to the main entrance seeing Mathew sat on a bench flipping through pages of his colouring book, he looked so adorable in his blue jeans and white blouse, I never dress him it's his choice what he wants to wear, he's says there's a new teacher at school who dresses like that, I got the impression that Mathew took a real shine to him.

I honk the horn and catch Mathews attention he gives me toothy grin and runs over to the car, I chuckle slightly seeing Mathew's huge back-pack looking almost twice the size of his torso, he opens the door and climbs in the front seat,
"So how was school?" I asks as he clips him self in,
"look I got a sticker from mr Grove" he says proudly looking down at his golden sticker on his collar, I can tell that his day was pretty good, Mathew always loves getting stickers from teachers it shows that he's doing good at school,
"Oh my goodness that's amazing well done!" I say sounding overly enthusiastic, at least one of us did something good today, we drive home chatting about how his day was and what classes he had.

It's a half an hour drive from the school to our apartment, Turing the engine off I hop out the car hearing the quiet slam of Mathews door, taking Mathews hand in mine we climb up 4 flights of stairs to reach a narrow corridor that leads to our small apartment.
It's nothing fancy, it's a small 2 bedroom apartment with a kitchen, lounge and one bathroom but still it's home, we both kick off our shoes and Mathew throws his bag on the floor and runs to the bathroom, I pick up the bag and walk into Mathews room seeing his blue bed sheets crumpled up in a ball on the end of his bed, putting his bag down by his door I start to tidy his room.

In case you didn't know already my parent aren't in the picture anymore my dad died just as Mathew was born and I've never seen much of my mother after our dad died. I don't speak about them much, I don't like to and although Mathew wants to know a bit about his parents he never asks.
After I finish tidying Mathews room I walk out into the lounge to see Mathew laying on the sofa watching the show Scooby-doo, I decided to get him a Tv a little while back, it's not big at all and it's not very good but it's the best I can do for now.
I lift up his legs and sit down underneath them,
"So how did your audition go they loved you right?" Mathew mumbles with his eyes still glued to the tv, I have gone in for 67 auditions and each company says that I could be a great success but I wouldn't attract a vast audience and would waste them money.
Each time I would go for an audition would be another time I had to let down Mathew,
"Yeah kiddo they liked me but you know how it's like, I'm just not needed at the moment but when I am they'll call me" I lied, I can't keep letting him down like this, it can happen again. I can't keep going to these audition making him hopeful and to come back and let him down, I can't go to another one, I just have to give up on my wish and stop being selfish.
He turned to look at me for a few seconds and gives me a sad smile, for a 6 year old kid he's pretty smart and knows when I lie to him.

As the night carries on we sit down to have dinner and I then later help Mathew with his homework nothing to hard just some math work.
I could see that Mathew started to get tired so I told him to got get washed and dressed and ready for bed, about 20 minuets later I hear him calling my name.
I walk into his room and he's sat on the bed in his spider man pyjamas waiting for me to tuck him in. As I pull the quilt over his body and kiss him on the head he murmurs,
"It doesn't matter what other people think sammy I think you're amazing, and I love you" before drifting of to sleep,
"I love you too" I switch on the night light and walk out of his room closing the door behind me.

I walk into my room that is practically filled with a double bed and a couple of draws and a closet, I sit down in the middle of the bed and pull my legs up to my chest.
Why am I so useless? Why does no one want me? What happens if I can't look after Mathew anymore? What if someone takes him away?
A warm tear slowly falls down my cheek, I start to sob silently not wanting to wake up Mathew. A few more tears slide down my face bringing my mascara along with it. This isn't the life I wanted for us.