Irhaboggle Pride (2018) 30 Days, 30 Stories

Someone Else

It wasn't rare for a demigod to wish that they were someone else. On the contrary, that was one of their defining traits! But it made sense, the life of a demigod was seldom happy. And Nico di Angelo was no exception. For starters, he was the son of Hades. Being the son of a Death God meant he got a bad rap from his father, and pretty much everyone else hated or feared him by default. And the title "Ghost King" didn't exactly look good on a nametag... or a résumé... or anything else. It didn't really help with his "relatability" factor.

Secondly, being the son of Hades meant you also were naturally inclined towards death yourself. All of your powers and aesthetic came from gloom and doom, not a pleasant sight for anyone except goths, emos and punks. The average Hot Topic customer, in other words. But regardless of your choices in life, you would forever gravitate towards the macabre. Death and darkness and all that jazz. And hey, while summoning up legions of the undead did have its perks, it wasn't a very enjoyable party trick. So making (living) friends was hard.

But if that wasn't bad enough, there was also the small matter of the fact that Nico wasn't even supposed to be alive. His mere existence had broken a treaty between the gods and someone had tried to kill him back when he was just a boy! That much never changed. The whole world was still out to get him, determined to send him back to his father the hard way just because his father was Hades. And it sucked, because you could be the kindest, gentlest soul alive, but just because of who your dad was, you'd automatically be on everyone's hit list!

So yeah, Nico had a lot of reasons to wish that he were someone else. But the most current issue was the fact that he was gay. Perhaps that sounded silly to a person of this day and age, and perhaps it sounded silly in comparison to everything else that he was facing, but Nico had grown up in a very different time and place. In his day, homosexuality was a crime. It was mentally and morally wrong! And that belief was so engrained in him that he still held onto this internalized homophobia despite being in a very different time and place now.

But that was it! Nico had not witnessed the progression of society. To him, the 40s were only yesterday. Because of that sharp transition, it hadn't been easy dealing with his first crush. It was on a fellow demigod (Son of Poseidon and Savior of Olympus, no less), but no amount of denial or prayer would change it. No matter how much Nico hid, he could not change his feelings towards Percy Jackson. Instead, the crush only got even bigger with time. He wanted to be with Percy in every sense of the word. Physically and sexually, yes, but also mentally and emotionally. He wanted to be the one Percy smiled at and kissed, to be the one Percy fought for and came home to, to be the one to make Percy proud, and to make him laugh! Envy wasn't a strong enough word to describe how Nico felt about Annabeth.

Unlike Nico, she actually had a chance with Percy since Percy was straight. And even more than that, they could be open about their sexualities. Nico had kept his secret for so long, and then that blasted Cupid outed him in front of one of his other close friends! The anger and humiliation had been unspeakable as he was finally forced to confess his crush. Love was cruel, especially to those whom it enticed. Love was more than just a monster, it was a god. And just as any god, it demanded sacrifice. But there was no sacrifice without blood.

And even though this other close friend vowed to never tell Nico's secret to anybody else, the words still rung hollow for poor Nico. He hadn't just been confessing to Jason, he'd been confessing to himself, and that had been the most painful part of all. Cupid had shown him mercy after that, a kind, sad, understanding look in his eyes, but Nico was too angry to care. There was just so much going on all at once, how could anyone think they understood what it was like for him? Not even Cupid could understand, although he would claim to. But Jason certainly wouldn't. No, not the handsome, perfect, golden Son of Jupiter. Who was also straight, by the way.

No, Nico was truly alone in this. Hades wouldn't understand. His monster army wouldn't understand. Cupid didn't understand. Jason didn't understand. And even if Percy had been there, he wouldn't have understood either. Like Jason, he was another charming, perfect, heroic, golden boy. The beloved hero of Olympus. It made Nico seethe that he should've fallen in love with someone so disgustingly perfect and attractive. Especially since he was on the total opposite end of that spectrum. But life was cruel.

If fate wanted to have a good laugh by turning Nico into the butt of some cosmic joke, having a pathetic and misunderstood loner-loser like him fall in love with someone like Percy was a great start. Half the time, Nico couldn't even tell if it was love anymore. Percy had driven him mad so many times before, and had been a great source of pain for the son of Hades, and not just because of the unrequited love.

There was a lot more Nico had to be frustrated about and envious of in regard to Percy Jackson. But as much as Nico had tried to get himself to hate Percy, it was just as effective as simply hoping the crush would go away on its own. If anything, the harder Nico tried to hate Percy, the stronger the one-sided attraction became. Now Percy consumed most of Nico's thoughts, and whether they were good or bad, it was torture. So trying to simply forget Percy had failed. And trying to hate Percy had failed. So that only left one other option...

It was the most disgusting option of all, and Nico had tried to fight it, but Cupid refused to even bend until Nico submitted first. Finally forcing the boy to confess, not just to him or Jason, but himself, had been the true key and the greatest sacrifice. But even though Nico had finally admitted it to himself, that didn't make accepting it any easier. Nico still had a long way to go before acceptance turned into pride.

It wasn't rare for a demigod to wish that they were someone else. On the contrary, that was one of their defining traits! But it made sense, the life of a demigod was seldom happy. And Nico di Angelo was no exception.

AN: Hope y'all liked the angst. And the random Carmilla references. But if you think about it, Nico and Carmilla are pretty similar. And it doesn't help that Will is similar to Carmilla's girlfriend, Laura.

Also, I'm sorry if it wasn't very entertaining in the sense that it wasn't a real story so much as it was a reflection, but I had to say that it was more fun to write than expected.