The Hairy Porter and the Bed Chamber of Secrets

Scene 11 - A 'Shelved' Past

Ell pulled the letters from the door, she had a feeling she knew what they were before she opened them. She returned to the kitchen and sat down to unseal them with a knife.

"Fuggin' hell Angus. Where the funt are you?" she said to herself, as she saw the words 'rent overdue' in red letters, "I'm gonna have to sell your guitar at this rate."

She pulled out a pouch of tobacco and reached for the Rizla only to find the packet empty, "Great no skins."

Ell wandered  around the kitchen, searching the various drawers but couldn't find any.

"All I wanted was a fuggin'  smoke," she said as she returned to the table empty handed, "dammit Angus if you were here I wouldn't be in this mess."

A sudden realisation came to her, "Angus isn't here."

She almost leapt from her seat and ran upstairs to Angus's room. Ell knew Angus was bound to have a few unfinished cartons of cigarettes laying about. She opened the door only halfway. The array of empty takeaway boxes from a series of late nights prevented her from  opening it fully. The guy was a fuggin' slob, she wanted to say, but she knew in her room she had an similar situation. Instead of takeaway boxes, hers was absently discarded bras and knickers. Anyone who had seen her room, would have thought she was trying to grow underwear in it. A faint smell of greasy food hung in the air, predominantly from the pre-existing kebabs, but it didn't bother Ell. In fact, if anything, it made her crave another kebab but unfortunately her 'deliveryman' was nowhere to be found.

Ell slipped through the gap, kicking the discarded rubbish as she passed through it. Her eyes looked throughout the room, beyond the clutter of uncased CDs and half-played Xbox games until she found a carton of cigarettes peering out of his half-opened sock drawer.

Relieving a cigarette from the carton, she lit it and fell back onto his bed. She  looked at the posters of metal bands that accosted his walls, while she inhaled her first hit of nicotine. She felt the tenseness in her muscles gradually dissipated as the substance worked its magic throughout her body. Ell thought it was strange that Angus didn't have any pictures of his family hanging on the walls or anywhere in the room for that matter. She found her parents could be beyond embarrassing at times but she had at least two family photos in her room.

The more she thought about it, the more she realised she knew nothing about Angus's family or even where he was born. Despite being flat mates for over four years, somehow those questions had never been broached. 

She got up from the bed and decided a little snooping was in order. It was only fair, she felt, as Angus knew nearly everything about her family. Ell searched casually through his things, until she found a photo album wedged between the vinyl records he owned, despite not having a record player to enjoy them. Carefully she removed the photo album, making sure she didn't break or ruin his records in the process.

Ell returned to the bed and opened the photo album on her lap. She flicked through  the pages realising they were only drunk pictures of them or the band, usually from some 'epic' nights out. An evil grin shot to her face when she saw some pictures of when they had dressed Angus in cheerleading skirt and gave him pigtails just for a drunken dare. She made a mental note to post them on a few social media sites and maybe send off a few modelling applications on his behalf with those pictures enclosed.

"Good times," she said as she turned one the pages allowing a scrap of paper to fall to the floor.

 She stared quizzically at the paper before picking it up. It was an old newspaper article, while the date wasn't stated the yellowing colour of the paper told her it was at least a fair few years old.

Asda found stacking children? - A boy of six was recently discovered hiding in a cardboard box within the pharmaceutical aisle of Asda by one very surprised employee. No records have been found relating to the boy and  none of the employees have any knowledge of how he got there in the first place. The police are calling the child Angustine, after the chemist, who had found him, was given the opportunity to name him. The police are urging anyone who may know where this child came from to step forwards, otherwise they'll have no choice but to place him in foster care. The Asda spokesperson denied all claims that this was their attempt to start a 'child procurement' range.

"Fuggin' hell, Angus was found in a supermarket? Damn, now I gotta find some supermarket jokes before he gets back. Hmm maybe, 'did they ask you for cash back when they found you?'."