After All

Chapter Twenty-Four

Every thought in my head completely evaporated. Without a word, I pushed up from the wall and stumbled down the street. Blood pounded in my ears, making it impossible to hear anything around me. He loved me? I honestly didn't know what to do with that. It was too much to process right away. So I shut down and focused on putting one foot in front of another. Left, right, left, right. I was vaguely aware of Ryan running to catch up to me, but just kept moving forward.

"Lily, stop," he grabbed my hand and spun me around. Hooking his finger under my chin, he forced me to look into his eyes. "You don't get to run, not tonight. Fate keeps bringing us together this weekend, and it's time to finally deal with this. I said I love you. You have to have some opinion on that."

"I don't understand," I spoke slowly, deliberately, thinking of each word. "It's been five years. And you broke up with me. Our relationship had barely gotten started when you cut it off without warning. You said you met someone else. What was I to think? And now you're telling me that not only did you love me then, but every day since? What am I supposed to do with that? You destroyed me when you ended it. It took me a long time to get over you, but I was finally moving on." In my heart I knew that was a lie though. I had never really gotten over Ryan. I only built those walls back up around my heart, keeping everyone out and my memories of him in.

"I just thought you had a right to know." Ryan walked away in the direction of the beach, his shoulders slumped in defeat.

Left in the middle of the sidewalk, I watched him go. For years, years, I'd longed to hear Ryan say those words again. I'd spent hours crying and pleading into the air for one more kiss, one more moment with him. Our relationship had never been something I thought of as temporary. That's why I'd waited so long to give him my heart. Because I knew that once I did, it would be his forever. I wasn't willing to let one argument, one day of uncertainty, one stumble in our road together end it all. I wanted to fight for him, for us. And though I eventually accepted that Ryan wasn't coming back, I never really stopped fighting. In the deepest recesses of my heart, Ryan was still mine, and I his. If the words he said were true, then this was the moment I had to fight the hardest.

So this time, I ran towards him instead of away. I caught up when he reached the soft sand. Pulling off my heels, I dug in my toes and fell into step with Ryan. We walked away from the crowds, further down the beach. Darkness enveloped us with only the half-moon lighting our way. It shone over the calm water, casting eerie shadows all around us. He sat down suddenly near the water's edge and I joined him on the sand.

Our breaths mingled together, overpowering all other sounds. They came deep and even, together, as if two souls were encased in one body. I let the enormity of this moment sink into me, weave in and out of every cell in my body. This was our second chance. I knew another wouldn't come along again. If I loved Ryan, and I knew then that I still did, we had to get this moment right.

I leaned my body into his, needing to feel him right beside me, to know this wasn't all a dream. "Do you mean it?" I asked finally, piercing through the silence. "You love me? You always have?"

"Yes." His answer was simple. He didn't use flowery language and grandiose promises. It was raw and honest in a way that made me know for sure it was true.

"Luke said something to me last night." I said next, slowly trying to navigate this next stage. Love was one thing, but what I wanted more was a life with Ryan, a chance to start over. And for that to happen I needed answers and understanding as well.