After All

Chapter Twenty Eight

My head lay on Ryan's bare chest, my arms and legs curled around the rest of his body. Based on the brightness of the room, it must have been at least late morning, which was no surprise considering we'd been up most of the night. It had been five years since we'd been together like that, and both of us had been a little nervous at first. But much like everything else, we quickly fell into a familiar rhythm. And once we started, it was hard to stop.

Ryan's face still held the peaceful look of sleep. His lips were slightly parted, a gentle snore coming from his nose. I took the opportunity to admire the view, tracing my finger along his jawline, down his neck, and over the edge of his shoulder. I did a double-take when I noticed the tattoo adorning his right bicep. It took up most of his upper arm so I couldn't believe I hadn't noticed it the night before. The outline was done in black ink, with greyish tones highlighting the shaded areas. A lily.

Just as my fingertip had traced all the way down to the bottom edge, Ryan's eyelashes fluttered open.

"Oh good, you're not a dream," he mumbled, pulling my face to his for a deep kiss. I let myself curl into him before pulling back and poking him in the arm.

"What's this about?" I asked.

He pulled his arm towards him, looking at the spot I had pointed to. His eyes opened wide with recognition, almost as if he'd forgotten the tattoo was there until I mentioned it. "Oh that? It's a tattoo."

Rolling my eyes I said, "Yeah that much I figured out on my own. When did you get it?"

The skin on his forehead pinched together as if remembering a painful memory. "One year to the day after I broke up with you. It was the day I realized that no matter what else happened in my life, I was never going to stop loving you. You were a part of me, and that was never going to change. I wanted a permanent reminder of you on my body in case that's all I ever got."

I was overcome. Ryan had made it very clear that he hadn't stopped loving me. But to see such a physical representation was staggering. I placed my hand on top of it, looking down at Ryan, tears I didn't realize had sprung to my eyes spilling onto my cheeks.

"Don't cry, Sunshine Girl," raising himself up on one elbow, he brushed the tears away.

"I just...I just can't believe you love me that much," I gushed.

"Of course, Lily," he sat all the way up and wound his arms tightly around me, my tears dripping onto his shoulder. "It was always you, and will always be you."

I pulled away to say those special three words back, but Ryan must have read my mind because he interrupted me. "Don't. Not yet. It took me a long time to get you to fall in love with me in college, to make you realize that I wasn't going anywhere. And then I destroyed that trust."

"But I understand now why you did that," I interrupted.

"That doesn't take away the pain I caused you. I know it won't just go away overnight." He reached up to stroke my cheek and I leaned into his palm. "And because I love you so much, I want you to take your time with this. I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you again. All I want in life is for you to be happy, no matter who that's with."

"Oh, Ryan," I didn't know what else to say. He was right. Because of my high school past, I had always been more hesitant, more scared. Ryan had jumped right in from the beginning and never looked back. I'd always been the one wading carefully into the waters, hopping back onto dry land at the first sign of trouble.