The Marauders: Year Seven Part One

Cheques and Chickens

Vernon Dursley sat like a great lump of mashed potato at the head of the table, in the seat that once had been Mr. Evan's. Lily scowled down at her plate as Petunia simpered over him, tucking a napkin into his collar and kissing the top of his head, as though the beached walrus of a man was someone who deserved to be doted upon. "So I said to the man -- I said --" Vernon's face was red from suppressing laughter as his belly shook just below the table, making the wine glasses clatter and clink, "You ain't going to get a finer drill than you'll get here at Grunnings! And he said, well jimminey, sign me up for a hundred orders!" Vernon clapped his hands proudly, his mouth curved into a great grin, and leaned back, "Just like that!"

"Oh Vernon, that's wonderful," breathed Petunia, shrinking into the seat beside him breathlessly, staring up at him with her pale face and over-long neck. Lily rolled her eyes and sighed. "And you'll be getting a large commission from it, I'm sure?"

"Oh yes, very large, very large indeed," Vernon chuckled merrily.

Petunia turned to face Mrs. Evans and Lily, her hand clasped around Vernon's hand. "Vernon's bought a house, you know. In London. Owns his own home, at his age!" She shook her head with an air of being terribly impressed, drew a deep breath, and turned back to her fawning over Vernon's mere existence, staring at him rather gooily.

"May I be excused?" Lily piped up, looking at her mum rather desperately.

Mrs. Evans was about to say yes, when Vernon cleared his throat, and said, "Actually, before you are, I'd rather like if you stayed a moment." He cleared his throat again, then looked at Petunia and said, "I just wanted to say that I very much love you, Petunia Evans, and I would like to help your family out."

There was a moment of silence. Mrs. Evans looked rather confused, and Lily, glanced between Petunia and Mrs. Evans faces to see if there was something she was missing, but they both looked utterly perplexed and confused.

"Help my family out?" Petunia repeated.

"Yes, yes," Vernon said, and he said, "You know, you don't have to live in such a rubbish place as this." He reached into his pocket and withdrew what looked like a cheque and laid it out on the table before him, nudging back his plate of roasted potatoes and fish. Withdrawing a pen, he licked the tip and wrote out a check, muttering the name and the amounts quiet-but-loud-enough-he-knew-they-heard-him. He nodded, then folded the cheque in half and handed it over to Mrs. Evans. "There we are. A sizable amount. I should like to purchase this house from you so that I might sell it for you, but in the mean time, that there should get you into a much nicer house, one that isn't so close to the bad part of town." He snuffed.

Lily looked from her mother to Vernon Dursley and back again. Her mother was staring at the cheque, utterly dumfounded.

"Oh for bloody sakes," Lily snapped suddenly and she reached over and took the cheque out of Mrs. Evan's hand and balled it up, tossing it at Vernon Dursley. "How rude and presumptuous of you, you git!" She stood up.

"Lily!" shrieked Petunia, mortified, "Lily! Stop it! Sit down! Vernon is doing something good for us, from the kindness of his heart and --"

"Yeah, right," Lily replied. "It's not about the goodness of his heart - that thing's too jammed up with lard to recognize any goodness."

"LILY!" screamed Petunia, looking at Mrs. Evans with desperation, "Make her stop, mummy!"

Mrs. Evan's voice shook, "Lily, sit down."

Lily sat automatically, heavily, and angrily. Her hands crossed over her chest and she glowered at Vernon Dursley with her lip curled up like she was looking at something quite disgusting.