Control

xxiii | lauren

I STOOD IN MY SPOT, MY BODY SLOWLY GROWING COLDER. No sound came from me, or anyone really. In the complete silence from those around me, you could probably hear my heart pound inside. No. NoNoNo this can't be happening. I refused to believe my ears. I couldn't just believe it. Everything... everything surrounded that one memory. What do I even know if that isn't true.

"Come on, Lauren, say something." I could tell Spencer was biting back tears as he spoke. "Yell at me, or something. Say something."

I trusted him with all my life. I believed everything he told me. I'd die to save his life. These past few weeks were me being torn between choosing him or my mother. But they're on the same side.

They're on the same side.

A shiver runs down my spine -- through my whole body. The chains wrapped around my wrists and ankles rattled. I couldn't find my voice, even if I wanted to scream until my vocal chords snapped and my lungs burned, wanting air. But I stood in one place, wanting to shatter into a million pieces.

A hand was placed on my shoulder, warmth from the body radiating off them and too me. I looked over to find Dad standing next to me, his eyes gleaming with sadness.

"Daddy, did you know this too?" Of course he did. He was my father, he worked at the Institute, he was supposed to be my enemy -- he wasn't supposed to comfort me. Yet, he started to wipe the tears that were forming in my eyes and faced Spencer again.

"You might want to say a bit more, Spence," Dad spoke dryly. I wonder what he was feeling. Was he on both sides too.

Probably. Now that I think of it, probably.

Spencer seemed to want to curl into a ball, tucking his hands in his pockets and hunching over. "I -- I... please, Dad, can't you just tell her."

Dad shook his head. "It's your story to tell, son."

His eyes didn't leave the two of us. "Mom?"

"Spencer." She just spoke his name, but it seemed to be an order. Like Dad said, it was his story to tell.

He better start telling it soon.

Spencer let out a sigh, his blue eyes focused on me. Just like the memory, his eyes were as blue as the oceans, or maybe the skies. That wasn't real. Why wasn't it real? I remember it so clearly, like it happened just yesterday. There was evidence of that memory when Aidan and I were in the forest together. The backpack. The phone. The messages.

I wanted to turn and ask the boys what they knew. They had to know something too.

"You were so sick, Lauren." Spencer's eyes looked watery. He was crying. "You were so sick, I don't think I had a choice."

His words sent chills through my body again. Warmth, I needed warmth, but I couldn't find any. What did he mean? What did he mean? "Stop speaking in riddles and just say it, Spencer," I spat. I was still shaking.

He rubbed his hands and looked to Mom. Why was this so hard for him? Just spit it out. I need to know. I need to be let out of the dark.

He winced, and I can tell that my thoughts were actually sent to him. I didn't mean to use the link. This was hard. How do I block the damn link when I'm on the edge of a breakdown. 

"You... you were born with a... a weak immune system," He stuttered. 

"That's it?" I asked him. "That's all this is about?" I guess it was a big deal. I guess for them -- my family -- it meant a lot. But I was part of the operation. I'm an Evolutian. I'm fine. I'm alive. What else was there.