Control

xxxiii | caving in

SPENCER DOES NOT TRUST ME. I don't know why, because technically he shouldn't be trusted either. No one in the room could be trusted, we were all part of the Institute at one point, but Spencer's struggling to accept me back into our little family. I don't really blame him, but I don't really get his point either.

Everyone though agreed to cuff me with the bracelets that dulled my powers, leaving me feeling weak and while I was there. They just wanted to see if I would do anything violent, which I didn't. All I really did was lie on the couch in the the basement, acting like the sack of flesh and blood I was. I could barely lift myself off it, the weight of boulders on my chest.

He's gone.

The only thing I manage to do is fight the restrain on me to help Tyson keep the barrier up. He looks sickly, with his skin growing pale and dark circles around his eyes, which were sinking into their sockets. He doesn't do much either, and I don't know if its because of his powers slowly draining with the barrier or because he just lost his best friend, like me.

I did overhear Dad tell Spencer something about us being connected...

Either way, no one really makes any effort with interacting with me. Even Dad stays his distance. It's probably because I... I did... I killed... I...

I don't want to finish that thought. It hurts, it hurts so much. I can't do anything without thinking about it. It even crept into my dreams when I was trying to escape reality. It was never going to leave my chest, will it? Something like that can't really.

The only person who was able to look me in the eyes was Kassandra, who did her best to try and make me feel better. Or feel something other than sad and numb. She said that ice cream helped the most with a broken heart and held me as I thought everything through. She didn't mind having me cry into her sweaters or me sitting around, barely moving. She showed signs that said she cared. 

It's been three days, Thursday afternoon. War was brewing outside the walls of the force field, taking orders from inside my own basement. As far as I'm concerned, the Institute hasn't made any attempts into getting me back. I haven't heard my mother's voice since she convinced me to shoot my best friend. There were still a million links to the minds of others that filled my head, but only one was able to send me messages back. And despite the times I've sent him signals that I wanted to talk, Spencer gives a look I can't read, then continues with whatever work he was doing.

I sit up on the couch that I've basically claimed, fidgeting with the bracelet on my hand. I could feel the metal heat up slowly, but not enough for it to malfunction. I could easily use a screwdriver and disable it, but I don't.

For the first time since I've been here, someone other than Kass sits next to me. Tyson walked over, slowly taking a seat next to me. His white shirt clung onto his skin, and somehow that was the first thing that I noticed about him. Not the fact that he looked sick as hell after working himself to the bone. 

I speak first. "Hey." My voice cracked with that one word. I've realised that I barely spoke these last couple days. 

He doesn't respond right away, instead just looked straight ahead. The expression on his face said he wanted to talk. When he finally did open his mouth, all he simply said was: "I don't really know what to say to you, Lauren. First Alyssa, now Aidan. I, for some reason, trusted you with my sister after that first incident." He closed his eyes. "He knew you were gonna possibly try and kill him, you know. He went to get you here anyway."

"I--" I don't know what to say now. 

"But at the same time, I feel like I should forgive you on some level, you know? That... it wasn't all your fault, was it? You couldn't really help what the Institute was doing to you and making you do. And Aidan believes--" his voice cracked. "-- believed in you, and that you can help us and I feel like I should trust his judgement, you know?"