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Do you know what most Suicide attempt survivors think on the last moments of their lives? When the air is not coming, when your vision gets blurry, when your bathtub is tainted. You know what they think when they are crossing that line? I don't wanna die.
Maybe right now existing is not what you want, right now you are alone, isolated, bent, bruised. But not broken. None of us are, all of us complement each other, we need each other to live. Imagine what the future has in store for you. Maybe a nice white-fenced home with two beautiful children running around, maybe an apartment filled with love and that dash of youth. Maybe life has a trailer full of beds and maps, or maybe it's a tent filled with dream catchers and luck charms. Imagine that future, love that future, don't take that away from yourself. Everything that happens to you will eventually pay off, you may never realize it but it will. I am not telling you to ignore the now so you can live that future. Live the now for your future, step by step. Day by day.
Think of your parents, when one of them finds you dead. Think of how they think they failed. How everybody thinks they failed, how much you matter. The hole you will leave in your surroundings, a hole that will never be filled. Now think about everything you love, think about not seeing that again, of not accomplishing your goals. Think about your plans. The job you wanted, the life you wanted.... are you willing to take that from yourself? How would you feel if you lost someone forever?
When you are feeling like nothing matters, talk to people okay? Feel the presence of someone else. Do you really want to let go of all the happy things? The emotions? The memories?
I will not allow one more soul to be lost to this, it will take time. A lot of time, but if you keep pushing, you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. I swear. Life is beautiful, breathing is beautiful, you are lucky you are alive. Do you know how many things can go wrong during a pregnancy? And yet somehow here you are, the universe chose you. Own it.
Give me just one more step Over and over again - sofia
"Cause every now and then, the darkness tries to chase me."
