When you look at me I just can't lie

Chapter 21

Chapter 21

“Thank me later.” Zander’s words echoed in Lena’s ears as she stood there frozen while he kissed her quickly and walked away. Her mouth hung open. If she had anything in her hand she would’ve thrown it at his reseeding back. How was he just walking away?!

Karen made the first sound, a scoff that barely pierced the daze Lena was in. “What the hell was that?”

“Yeah.” Shannon agreed. “You should’ve punched his lights out for that. I have some mouth wash in my bag if you—”

“Shut up!” Lena snapped. Her daze faded as a whirlwind of anger took its place. “You don’t get it. None of you get it.” She looked at her so called best friends only to see strangers. “Zander kissed me because we’re dating. I’ve been going crazy all day trying to figure out a way to tell you guys because I didn’t want to lose you, but you know what? I realized I don’t need your approval about who I date because it’s none of your business. Friends don’t police each others lives. If you don’t like Zander, well, then too bad.” She stomped off in a fit of anger.

She raced to the bathroom and locked herself in one of the stalls. Thankfully it didn’t seem like anyone else was around.  Lena screeched in frustration. Everything felt so fucking complicated every time she tried to think about it.

Her anger started to die down allowing tears to spring to her eyes. Deep down she was scared. A large piece of her was willing to change everything she had to in order for Zander to see she was serious about him. But what about when their relationship crashed and burned? She was going to be left with nothing. She tried to be someone different for Andy too, and that turned into a shit storm.

Everything was happening too fast. One day she breaks up with her longtime boyfriend and the next she’s falling head over some very expense heels for another boy. A boy so different from anything she knew. Being outside of her comfort zone was not helping with her fears. She felt lost and oddly enough; lonely.

~*~

Zander was sitting on Anthony’s couch staring at sketches strewn on top of the coffee table.

Anthony stepped out of the kitchen and handed him a can of soda. “You look like shit.”

“That’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Do you ever get tired of being witty?” Anthony didn’t sound like he had much hope in the answer. Over the last several months he got a pretty good read on Mel’s best friend.

“It’s my one true talent.”

“Not true. I’ve seen your work.”

Zander grinned. “Go on.”

“Asshole.” Anthony punched him none too soft on the arm. “Mel gave me permission to kick your ass if I couldn’t talk some sense into you.”

His easy going façade melted away as hard lines overtook his expression. “I’m here to talk about art, nothing else. I don’t need an intervention or some weird bonding thing.” He wanted to pretend his heart wasn’t laying in two parts at the bottom of his stomach.

Anthony took a long drink from his bottle of beer. He was going to need it. “You knew exactly who Lena was when you got with her. You can’t be pissed at a tiger because of its stripes.”

“It’s not the same thing. Lena lets fear consume who she really is. Who she really is, is someone I like, someone I want to see more of. She let’s all those walls down when we’re alone and she knows no one is watching.” Zander mentally cursed. There he was talking about the one subject he wanted to avoid. “Mel told me it’s your brother’s birthday party this weekend. How tortuous is that going to be?” he was willing to literally talk about anything else.

“Annoying high school kids running all over the house? Pure hell. That’s why I invited you.”

“I’m really feeling the love.”

“You know Lena is going to be there. It could be a good place for you to figure out how to be a couple outside of your house.”

Zander groaned at the how sturdily he opened the door for Anthony to shift back to Lena. “You suck.” He crossed his arms like a child and refused to talk.

“I get it now, how you and Mel are such good friends. You can both be inhumanely stubborn. I need another beer.”

Zander smirked. Mel did have a pretty stubborn streak. When she got it in her head she was right, there was no convincing her otherwise. Lena was a lot like that too. Damn it, he was trying to steer clear of her. It wasn’t working and it wasn’t going to change any time soon. He was hopelessly hung-up on Lena and hated her for it. He thought they could be something magical together. When it was just them with no influence from the outside world, he was in heaven, why couldn’t she feel the same way? Try as he might, deep down he knew he’d never be good enough for her. At least not the preconceived shell of a person she was looking for because he didn’t know how to lie and pretend everything was perfect. No one was perfect.

He looked up from his crossed hands to find Anthony watching him with a look of pity. Just what he needed.

“You’ve already decided, haven’t you?” the older man asked. It didn’t take long for his meaning to settle in. There was really only one question up in the air.

Zander shook his head. “I won’t be the one to break it off.  No matter what happens I keep hoping she’ll fight for us. I don’t have anything to compare it with but...” he didn’t know how to put it into words. Lena made him feel happier than he could ever remember. He didn’t want to believe it was just a passing fling they’d forget about in a few years. He wanted to matter.

“It feels special.” Anthony kept watching him like some knowing guru master. “You’re in love with her.”

“No, it’s way too soon to be saying those things.”

“Says who? Love doesn’t have a time clock or some shit like that. Sometimes it just hits you in the face the moment you lay eyes on her. I saw Mel one day she was at my mom’s house to help Eric study. That was all it took; one look. I found myself wanting to know everything about her and hating the moment she would leave.” Anthony shrugged, a smile playing across his mouth while he remembered the start of his relationship. “If that isn’t love, then I don’t know what is.”

Zander’s throat threatened to shut as his own memories rose to the surface.  “Yeah,” he agreed softly. “It’s easy to fall for her.” Mel was his first kiss, the first real person he cared for outside of his family. It felt ironic and sometimes weird that it was her twin sister he ended up falling for in the end. He still loved Mel but it wasn’t the same, it wasn’t mature and heart crushing like the thing he felt with Lena. He knew the difference. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can make her feel something she doesn’t.”

“Everything is bullshit if you don’t talk to her. You agreed to be together, together.”

“You really need your own talk show. I left the ball in Lena’s court, that’s all there is to it. We’re supposed to be working on a project, you know those things that give us passing grades or not.” Zander stood from the couch and started to pace. He needed to find some way to release his pent-up energy before he screamed.

Their latest assignment had to do with head to toe body painting. “I have an idea for it but I don’t think you’re going to like it.”