Chapter 39

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#PTG39 Chapter 39

I was never religious. I could never even remember if my parents ever brought me to church... I knew how to pray, sure, but that's all there was... When my parents died, I questioned God... Why was He doing this to me? I had never even spent that much time with them... pero kinuha agad sila. They even died when we weren't in a good place. It just... sucked. So bad. I hated everything back then...

But I had Jax.

That thought made everything feel a little bit lighter.

Now? I pray. Every night. Before I open my eyes, before I close them... I say a little prayer. Because I didn't have anything to hold on to anymore... Sa dasal na lang. Doon na lang ako kumakapit sa mga panahon na pakiramdam ko, pasuko na ako... I kept on reminding myself that all these would end... That surely, my life wasn't supposed to end so horribly...

That I have Jax.

I have my friends.

I have people who would be sad if I give up.

"I don't want to see you," I said immediately when I saw Iñigo waiting for me. Bukas na iyong bagong hearing... Bakit siya nandito? Gusto ba niya akong takutin? Tanggalan ng pag-asa? Sa tingin niya ba meron pa ako noon? Pagkatapos ng lahat ng ginawa niya sa akin...

"Ms. Arellano..."

I clenched my fist. Agad na nanlabo ang paningin ko. Sa sobrang galit. Sa sobrang lungkot. Naghalu-halo. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mas nangingibabaw.

"Don't. Call. Me. That."

Iñigo smiled. "Sit. Please?"

Malalim ang paghinga ko. Gusto kong sumigaw. Gusto kong sabihin sa kanila na paalisin nila ang tao sa harap ko... Ayoko siyang makita... Alam ko nawalan siya... Alam ko pareho kaming nawalan... Pero hindi ko ginawa sa kanya lahat ng ginawa niya sa akin... Hinding-hindi ko maiisipan na gawin iyon...

I remained standing. I didn't want to sit. I didn't even want to be in the same room as him... to breathe the same air as him...

"I want... I want to apologize."

Hindi ako nagsalita. I had nothing good to tell him.

"I know you won't believe me... but I never did anything illegal... I just wanted to win the case... I needed to win the case..." he said. He paused. He took a deep breath. He looked like he needed to calm down... to collect himself... but he was failing.

Sinubukan niyang ngumiti, pero hindi niya magawa. Mabilis ang naging pagtulo ng luha sa mga mata niya. Tahimik akong naka-tingin sa kanya. Tahimik na pinapakiramdaman ang sarili ko. Matutuwa ba ako? Matutuwa ba ako na nasasaktan siya? Sapat ba iyon para mabawasan ang sakit na nararamdaman ko?

"Remember before? When you told me that whatever they give me, I have to give back? If not now... you said you're sure that one day, they'd ask me for a favor and I won't be able to say no because I accepted a lot from them?" he asked, looking at me as I watched as tears escaped from his eyes.

I couldn't feel anything.

I just... couldn't.

"When... When I learned that you were involved in a case, I was working in another case. I was supposed to work on that... but Congressman... He wanted me to take your case. Alam niya na magkaibigan tayo... Alam niya na kung anuman ang alam ko tungkol sa 'yo, magagamit ko para manalo..."

I looked at him.

"Congrats. Nanalo ka."

Mabilis siyang napa-pikit. "Katherine..."

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