Nocturnal Reveries: A DiYue One Shot Collection

Yūgen

I was sure it was because of the cosmos.

I looked straight into the sky, cold breeze tingling my skin, overly-aware of how vast the universe is. I laid spreadeagled on the rooftop of my apartment, 2:40am, barely awake. Something sparked within me while gazing at the stars. It was a familiar feeling of awe and mystery—but it was ineffable, something that I couldn't put into words.

I realized I longed for this tranquility. I was alone but I didn't feel lonely; I was dozing off but I was feeling the most intense of sensations, yet it was impossible to verbalize the emotions stirring inside of me.

My phone kept ringing but it was as though I was in another dimension. I was unconsciously blocking all external elements trying to interfere with me and my solace. It felt good to settle into a state where it seemed like the universe was trying to converse with me through the quiet of the night and the darkness of the enigmatic sky.

I closed my eyes and I was immediately transported to another realm. I can hear waves crashing in the shore, but I was immobilized by its sound. The waves should have cradled me like a lullaby but instead, my chest constricted upon hearing its tune. I attempted to close my eyes and go back to my rooftop, but I was stuck in this realm. I looked sideways and there he was—appearing ever so divine. He was sitting on the sand, leaning back on his arms like he always did, slightly squinting because of the rising sun.

I looked away and shut my eyes tightly, hoping to God that when I open them, I'll be back at the rooftop, revering the skyline and marvelling at the depths of the world.

Slowly, I opened my eyes. It didn't work. I was still on the island. Our island.

I felt disoriented, like my soul left my body and another one was taking over. It was horrible. I closed my eyes again, and again, and again, to no avail. Every time I would open them, I would still be welcomed by the salty breeze and the piercing light of the sunshine. I looked sideways wishing that if I were to be 'stranded' on this island, I wouldn't have to deal with him.

But he was still there.

I turned from him and tried to calm myself by focusing on the serenity of the place. For some reason I could finally move, so I settled into a sitting position. I inhaled the morning air that softly caressed my face as I observed the waves lapping ashore.

I watched the waves and couldn't help but wonder at how similar I was to it right now. The ripples on the tides and the undulating movement of the waves somehow reflect the highs and lows of this very moment.

High because I was lucky to be seeing such a gorgeous view, and low because I was in the company of the only person I should not be seeing right now: Wang He Di.

I was engrossed with the way the waves were crashing in and leaving the shore that I almost didn't hear him when he spoke.

"It's yūgen," he simply said.

I didn't recognize what he said, so I shouted the nearest words I can decipher from what I heard. "'It's you again?!' That's what you have to say?" I scoffed loudly before continuing. "Well yes! It's me again! In the flesh! Or whatever this is! You think I wanted to be in your presence? You know what, this is what's wrong with you! You are a narcissist who thinks everyone would gladly bleed to death if it meant they can be with you. Well, guess what—"

"And the problem with you is you always get lost in your thoughts that you forget to listen carefully. I said 'it's yūgen,' not 'it's you again.'"

"Yūgen?" I asked.

"It's the word for what you were feeling just now while watching the waves and while you were at the rooftop a while ago," he explained, still not looking directly at me and instead focusing his attention on the horizon.