their own world.
i spent the last two years
isolating myself so hard
pushing away any kind of affection
or compassion
or kindness
drowning in numbness
and being okay with that.
but then i got here
to this strange, new place
that felt familiar and homey
before i'd even settled in.
it rolled in slowly, the storm.
with shy smiles
gentle waves
quiet introductions.
cigarette smoke
q-tip birthday candles
quiet walks
co-rec football
cheese pizza.
adventures in the night.
thunder crashes
lightning strikes.
and before i can run
i'm drowning in the flood
fumbling through the waves
trying to catch a breath.
my lungs are full of water
and i'm tired
so tired
of fighting.
the clouds break
the sun leaks
touches my face
wraps me up
holds my hand.
green walls
twinkle lights.
4am dislocated joints.
screaming in unison:
i love you so
so
so
much.
thunder still rolls
rumbles in the background
lightning threatens to strike
and it certainly follows through
every now and then.
but instead of drowning in numbness or the flood
instead i only suffocate.
stand paralyzed with fear.
always waiting
for the other shoe to
drop.
past and present blur together
muddy the water.
head spins
chest aches
lip shakes.
i try to make sense of it all
explain it away
wait for the storm to pass.
sometimes it feels like
