After you were born

3-Tessa

Finally I'm in a hospital room with my OB and doctor, they're all telling me how great I am doing and how beautiful everything is. But believe me, this feeling so isn't beautiful. It's freaking painful. I think I am losing my voice from all this screaming but at least my doctor says it looks like our baby is almost out, which is a miracle since birth can sometimes be a really long process.

„This is amazing miss Young, your cervix are perfectly dilated, and the baby is in a perfect head-first position."
Thank god. After everything I went through trying to get here, something was finally going right. I couldn't have taken any more bad news.

"I am right here."
I search for Hardin's hand in the room filled with panic because for a second I thought he had left but I should know better, he won't leave me. Not now. Not ever. That point in our lives is over. He takes my hand and kisses me on the forehead.
"You're doing great, love." That really does give me comfort.
Hardin is the only one I wanted in the room, aside from my doctors etc. This is our moment. The moment we have gone through so much to get to, I don't want anybody ruining it or even sharing it, greedy, I know. My mom definitely wasn't happy about it, but I really couldn't deal with her right now.

I've been in Labor for about an hour now and feel like I am going to pass out. Everything hurts and it's as if I am breaking my pelvis. Hardin has gotten really pale in his face but he hasn't let my hand go even once and can't stop smiling.

"That's it Tess! Push, she's almost there!"

I can't anymore, I can't. But I give it all I got and it's worth every second once I hear that sound. Screaming. My baby, our baby is screaming. I never thought I could feel so much joy just my hearing a baby scream. But that wasn't the only thing I could hear, I can hear crying.
I look to my right and can see Hardin full on sobbing. OH. MY. GOD. He is full on crying. It's not like any other time he had crude in front of me in the past, he wasn't on his knees or begging for forgiveness. He wasn't filled with regret and sadness.
He was smiling. Smiling and crying with everything he has.

"Hardin..." I feel dead but give him the best smile I've got.
"Baby, she is beautiful."
I saw Hardin cut the umbilical cord and the doctors took my baby over to the other table to see if she's okay.

"Are you okay?" Hardin looks worried.
"Babe, I'm fine as long as she is fine." I can't help be feel scared that the other shoe is going to drop soon...but I pray to every god out there, no matter if Jesus or Shiva or Allah or Buddha, please, make sure our little girl is okay.

But just as I almost started crying because I could feel fear fill me up, my OB turns around walks back to me and sets the most perfectly precious being into my arms.

I immediately break out into tears and have the widest smile across my face. She really is beautiful. Hardin rests his head against mine and we both just stare at this tiny human, our tiny human, together.
She has such power over us. The minute she was born, the second her skin touched the air she had us. She isn't even 10 min old and has such power over us. Our baby is our sun. Our world now revolves around her and only her.

"Hardin, do you realize what just happened...what our life has become?"
"Yes Tessa, and it is all thanks to you. Thank you for making me the happiest man to walk this planet. Thank you for letting me be yours and making me the father of your child. I love you with every inch of my body and this puny little being has me questioning everything I ever believed. I thought I knew what love was after I met you but now I am experiencing it in a totally different way. Thank you."

I hate it when he does that, he needs to stop thanking me for everything good in his life. He needs to realize that he is just as well to thank. I love him with every atom I have and now he has given me the greatest gift, our daughter.

"Me too, babe. Me too."

As I stare into her eyes I see an exact copy of Hardin. At least her glare. They way her green eyes, an exact copy of Hardin's eyes, stare into mine makes me smile so hard my face hurts.

"She looks just like you, love." I don't really see it...but apparently Hardin thinks we have a mini me.

"Hardin, her name. We can't keep calling her 'babygirl' or 'she' for the rest of her life. Emily or Jane?"
"Emery."
Emery? That wasn't even a choice? We never even talked about that once??? Where did he pull that name from all of a sudden? I raise an eyebrow.
"It means brave. I was googling girls names...it started with Emily but at some point I found Emery. If you hadn't stayed so brave throughout the years she wouldn't be here, we couldn't have all of this. You were brave enough to stand up taller each time after getting knocked down including by me. I thought it would be a pretty name but if you don't like it..."
"Stop being so insecure! I love it!" He is the best. The most thoughtful human ever.
"I'm not insecure. Just...I just want her name to be as perfect as her."
"Emery. Hey Emery." I smile down at our baby. Emery, it's perfect.

"I love you, Emery." Hardin whispers in our little girl's ear and gently kisses her.

And just like that, every worry and every fear of mine just disappeared.

I can't wait to get to know you, Emery.
You are going to be astonishing, I can just feel it.
You won't ever find anybody else that will love you more than we do at this very moment.