F*** Cancer (stories from a twenty-something survivor)

1. The Beginning (B.C.)

I wasn't quite sure where to start. This is such a huge and complex thing that was dropped on me. So I decided to do as they say, Begin at the Beginning.

I use the terms BC (Before Cancer) and AD (After Diagnosis) because why not?

Every caner journey is different. Especially between different cancers.

That said, I don't think mine was typical. At least not compared to the friends that I've made along the way (none have the same diagnosis so... that could be it too)

Looking back, I realize that I was living with cancer for several months before I was diagnosed. I had a lot of the common symptoms, but the tricky part is that a lot of the symptoms are super vague.

Hindsight is 20/20

I was having worse acne than usual and frequently getting other infections. Nosebleeds (which is something I've dealt with my whole life) and small injuries were taking longer to stop bleeding. Even bug bites were leaving weird bruises.

I was exhausted. Like bone tired. I know that's a common phrase, but I was literally tired down to the marrow of my bones. I mostly attributed it to the summer heat and the fact that I was in my last year of college. I just thought I was being a wimp and needed to work harder, exercise more, get to bed at better hours, eat healthier.

But I was working hard and trying to get back into my yoga routine. I was sleeping good hours and trying to eat healthier even though I had to make myself because I had no appetite.

I had a feeling that something was off, but I didn't know something was wrong.

I went in to the school clinic for an overall wellness check. I had been there somewhat regularly because of the random infections and such, it was something we had discussed before.

It involved a blood draw and, honestly, I was almost scared off because of the needle. Anyone who knows me knows I have an irrational fear of needles. Not 'oh no a needle', but full on panic attack when there's a needle nearby. (yeah, not fun if you're diagnosed with pretty much any major medical problem) I guess it's a sign of how concerned I was that I actually got the blood draw done.

That was Friday.

On Monday I did my normal routine. Ate breakfast, got my things together for class, grabbed my yoga mat for afterwards, and caught a ride with my roommate because I didn't want to be too tired to ride my bike home after our workout. We parked and walked to class, sitting in our normal seats and talked while waiting for class to start.

While waiting I got the call from the school clinic.

She said she got my results back and I needed to come in.

Could I come after class? It starts in like five minutes.

You need to come now. You need a blood transfusion and we need to talk.

There was a lot of internal screaming and holding back tears as I gathered my things and told my friends I had to leave. I walked out the door as the professor walked in. (My roommate said he was confused when he took attendance because he had seen me and then I wasn't there)

Now, most people would probably be freaking out about the blood transfusion itself.

Was I?

Nope.

I was terrified of the needle that would have to be used to accomplish it.

Yep. I'm that bad about it. And I hate it.

Once at the clinic she discussed my lab results and, honestly, it all went over my head. I didn't really know what was going on beyond 'you don't have enough blood in your blood'. I guess it was mostly plasma? I really don't know, but I was low in all types of blood cells. The reds, the whites, the platelets, all of it.