Relearning your limits is weird. One day you know what you are capable of and now you honestly don't know if you'll have the energy to do half the things you used to.
When I was first getting back to school I was advised to take it slow by others who hadn't and ended up getting sick because of it. I think I did pretty well, maybe a bit too slow for my taste, but overall good. Then I was talking to a friend yesterday, telling them about my first day of classes for this new semester and I realized that I'm still not always good at keeping my new limits in mind. I still fall back into estimating things by my BC limits.
Basically, I had a class on the 3rd floor and I took the stairs because I always take the stairs (the school elevators are terrible which is ironic for an engineering school, but that's a separate rant). Anyways, due to the buildings unique design all the stairwells are pretty much outside. So I went up 3 flights of stairs in 110+ degree weather. Nearing the top I was just like 'F*** this was a bad idea, I'm melting' especially carrying a backpack. It ended up okay, but it wasn't great.
Setting aside my recent lapse in judgement to speak more generally, it's really hard to to find a balance between challenging yourself and not going too far. Especially as a twenty-something. At that age you're supposed to be at or near your prime, not breathless after two seconds.
A big part of figuring it out, for me at least, is being honest with myself and my energy levels. I'm grateful to my friends who have gone to events with me asking if we need to take breaks because I can have a hard time telling others when I'm tired if we're having fun, I don't want to drag everyone else down and even if no one will think that, I still worry about it. Comicon and Disneyland were amazing and I really loved being able to be with my friends and family, but I struggled with not being able to keep up. And, again, I am super grateful that they were cool with hanging out in the hotel room more than we used to because I really needed to lay down.
It really is an inner struggle for me between "stop being whiny" and "don't hurt yourself". I mean, I literally bullied myself through months of being exhausted by cancer because I thought I 'just needed to toughen up'... this isn't exactly a new dilemma, it's just more obvious now.
So, please, challenge yourself to be better, but don't forget to be kind to yourself.
You gotta give yourself a moment, let your body be
-Lose it by Oh Wonder
YOU ARE READING
F*** Cancer (stories from a twenty-something survivor)
Non-FictionThe title says it. I was diagnosed with cancer as a twenty-something and it wasn't fun. This book will have journal style chapters where I talk about things, mostly to do with cancer, but other things as well. I want this to be a place where we ca...
