It's Like Love, But On a Post-It. (Undergoing Severe Plastic Surgery )

Chapter Three.

Chapter Three.

This trip to Aspen really has me stressing out. I don't even know if I'm going and I'm flipping out about everything. If I go and don't bring Evan, I'll end up doing something stupid, I just know it. So I have to get him to come, otherwise I can't go. I'm safer with Evan, I think more...adult like. With Van I act like a five year old. It's kind of ridiculous. Thinking about last night and how we randomly built a fort and pretended there were monsters, it's so childish. Evan would never act like that. He's stable, whereas Van's unstable. How can I like somebody who's hot one minute and then cold the next? Some days I really like Van and want to be with him, but I know that it can't and won't work out that way.

Besides, I like Evan I really do, he's good for me, he doesn't move to fast, he respects me, he doesn't make perverted remarks, he doesn't call me pet names, and we laugh without having the innuendos that I do with Van.

Van respects me too, it's just a different type of respect. It's just easier with Evan, we don't have all of these complications, there's no secrets. Van and I are complicated and have all of these secrets that keep building into little lies.

When I'm with Van I don't have time to think about these things, I'm too busy laughing, or getting caught up in his amazingly green eyes. Evan's pretty much perfect for me, he's like a constant river whereas Van's a constant jerk.

Then there's the times when he's really cute and adorably sweet and I just want to tell him that I think I'm in...like with him. I will not say the other word. Love is constant too, a constant mess. If love were real, my parents wouldn't be divorced, neither would Vans. If love were real, my dad wouldn't have left, my mom wouldn't have had an affair. There's a lot of proof that love isn't real.

So here I am, awake, almost an hour before I have to get up, just staring at my clock, waiting for the alarm to go off.

I hate being alone, left to think about all of this. Because then there are the times when I think that I'm making the biggest mistake in being with Evan and not Van. Evan's the complete opposite of Van and if I think about it too much, I'll end up acting on how I feel...not good.

When Wednesday finally rolls around I call Evan and tell him that we should go out for ice cream. Really random, but this morning I had this weird craving for chocolate ice cream, extra sprinkles and the best part-the cherry. It might have to do with the weather because it's really hot out today, I blame global warming. Anyways, Van's having the guys over at his house, I'm supposed to go, but for an extra sprinkled chocolate ice cream, topped with a cherry, I'd ditch anybody. I might stop by before I leave, but no last minute swim for me.

Now, I'm just trying to decide what to wear. Looking through all of the clothes that Kim made me get, I don't really know what to wear. I grab a pair of blue jean shorts and just a plain gray tank top. Screw the overly girly clothes. I quickly change and am completely satisfied with what I'm wearing.

I slip on a pair of black flip-flops and put my cell phone and money in my back pocket. See? Now what girl really needs a purse? That's what pockets are for.

I have like ten minutes until Evan's supposed to be here, so I make my way over to Van's house. I don't bother knocking because his dad's not home, I just walk right in and cut through the kitchen and out the sliding glass door, where the pool is.

"Hey, losers," I say, cheerfully. I see all of the usual faces, except Michael's and Van's are missing. I'm perfectly fine without Michael here, I could care less about that dickhead. "Where's Van at?" I ask, looking around.

Nathan and Mitch laugh, like there's a joke that I'm not in on. I just stand here confused and not knowing what to think.

"What?" I ask seriously, stepping closer to the pool.