i loved you ▶ minjoon #WATTYS2019

◀twenty three▶

「to be honest, no matter how much i try to erase you, i know i can't」

"so, a little pup is really in there huh?" sandeul spoke as seokjin shows him the sonogram which contained a baby the size of a bean "pretty much." seokjin sighs, looking down at the photo "how did we end up here jin?" sandeul questions, eyeing seokjin 

"jimin can sue you, just so you know." he reminds, seokjin bites his lip "he's too much of an angel to do that though." he adds, patting his lap as a sign for seokjin to lie down 

"are you seeing the bigger picture now?" seokjin shrugs, purring at how soothing it is for someone to be playing with his hair "try placing yourself in jimin's shoes, with your situation right now." seokjin wraps his arms around the beta's waist "i'm not the only one at fault here deul, why are you making it out as if everything is my fault." his voice was muffled by the fabric but it was understandable 

"look, cheating is a choice, it's not some sort of accident, namjoon made that choice, however, you were the first to instigate advances towards him, knowing that he has a family." sandeul rubs the omega's back 

"you shouldn't have pursued him and he shouldn't have tolerated it." sandeul pulls seokjin up and on to his lap "now, tell me, how would you feel if you were in jimin's place?" seokjin just pouts while playing with the sleeve of his sweaters 

"i'd be heart broken, i'd feel like my whole world had stopped." he said in a weak voice, it was unlike the seokjin everyone knew in front of the cameras, this was seokjin in his most vulnerable state "then why didn't you think about that before pursuing namjoon?" the beta had his hands on seokjin's legs, leaving soft touches 

"because.. of everything i've been through, i thought- in my mind he was the only alpha that had ever respected and showed me what love is, made me feel what love is." sandeul can't bear to see his friend in this state as he wiped his tears away 

"why don't you tell me everything that you want to tell me, i'll listen to you, i won't judge you, i want to understand." seokjin's eyes were filled with wonder "are you sure?" sandeul nods "i want to know, even if it takes us all night."

seokjin was a child born out of an affair, this was made clear to him by his stepfather who didn't fail to remind that he isn't his child and he detested him as he looked so much like his wife's other man. 

meanwhile his mother had coddled him to an extent that he became spoiled by her as she always wanted an omega in the family, making his siblings envy him at the special treatment he got, always being held at a high pedestal, his mother had told him how much his beauty had meant and he needed to use that to his advantage.

he didn't have a normal childhood, by his teenage years he was always being bought to modeling auditions by his mother and every time he didn't get picked, he would watch his mother go inside the scouting agent's office while he waits just outside, hours would pass and she would come out looking disheveled and the agent would tell seokjin that he got that gig.

seokjin had asked his mom what she was doing and she would remind him that sometimes alphas would think with their cocks rather than their brains and that they go haywire at the sight of a desirable omega, always reminding him that love is a mere fallacy.

when he started college, he was already making a name for himself as it was around the time he had debuted as an idol. 

he didn't know what love was, until he was in college, it was the first time he had fallen in love even though he didn't know what love meant, his mother always reminded him as to how useless love is, that it is a waste of time.

at that age, he only learned love through movies, dramas, and books, sometimes daydreaming about being in a relationship, when will it happen to him? what is his lover is going to be like? from what he heard from his friends, they always tell him that being in love felt like being on cloud nine, telling him that it made the world beautiful. 

he sees how wide his friends' smile would be whenever they were with their significant others and he began to forget what his mother had taught him about love, that maybe she was wrong.

when he was in his junior year, that's when jaehwan came into his life, the alpha he had met through his friends when they were at a party and they were right, love made him feel like flying, it was better than just watching movies or reading books. 

he had someone to hold his hand when he goes out, he had someone that keeps him warm at night through cuddles, he had someone give him soft kisses that made his heart flutter, he had someone who he loved with his whole heart.

but it didn't last long.

on the day of their 2 year anniversary, their make-out session had gotten a little heated and the alpha started pulling at his clothes

seokjin had to stop him before anything further happens but the alpha persisted, getting frustrated that he'd waited long enough and he wanted a taste of his omega, he had manipulated the situation into making seokjin think that because he wouldn't have sex with him, means he doesn't love him and he prevailed. 

although tearful and scared, he let the alpha have his way with him but at the last second, he changed his mind and tried to push the alpha off him but at a fit of rage and frustration, he had slapped seokjin with so much force that the corner of his lips had started to bleed but it was just the beginning.

he had felt dazed but he let out a mixture between a scream and a sob once the alpha had entered him, he had stuttered out countless of pleadings to stop as it started to hurt but the alpha merely treated him like a rag doll while the helpless omega felt like he was being split in half.

that morning he woke up, bruised, blood stained his thighs, body sticky with various fluids and his "boyfriend" nowhere to be seen nor contacted, he felt disgusted with himself, with what had happened. 

he scrubbed his body raw that day, trying to rid himself of the alpha but it was to no avail and he collapsed in the shower, knees pressed to his chest as he cries.

from that day and on wards, he hid his soft and sensitive persona and put on a mask, a heartless, confident bitch. he wasn't going to let anyone make him feel inferior without his consent.

he vowed to fall in love again but rather fall in lust as in his mind, people only wanted him for his body.

however it all changed when he met kim namjoon, he was the only alpha then to make him consider that maybe he can still love again, he was blinded by this need that he was willing to rip the man away from his family just to make himself feel better. he wanted namjoon and what seokjin wants, seokjin gets.

"i'm starting to feel the guilt eat me up, now that i'm in a position that i'm going to be a parent." seokjin's voice was scratchy and hoarse, sandeul had took the liberty to wipe his tears away as he shush him 

"as much as i want to raise this child with namjoon.. i can't take him away from his family. i can understand how jimin felt now." sandeul pulls the omega in a tight embrace 

"let him go jin, let him go, be a good example for your pup, you are a strong and independent man. raise him the way of how you would've wanted to be raised, full of love and warmth." sandeul reminds, he wanted what was best for his friend and to him it's letting go of the man he could never truly have "you don't need another person to feel love, the minute you hold your pup in your arms, you will be in love all over again."