The Unwanted Princess

Part-38

"The way you look at me, makes me sometimes afraid of myself and the power I've over you"

Shivanya was an Oberoi and a past, a part of her tried so hard to erase. Shivanya craved her parents attention, relished in the moments she got with her father, curled in him whenever he was home and sung her lullabies and stories. Shivanya was naive and took blames even when she didn't need too....Shivanya wondered what could she do to make her grand ma and family like her, what could she do to make Jhanvi dadi and Pinky dadi pay her the same amount of attention and love they pay to Omisha, Shivika, Ritisha and Omav. She tried to be like them, she tried to change herself, she did everything they asked her to do, she loved her family and protected them the way her father was supposed to do and it did nothing but break her. Break her and the anger in her father's eyes as he asked her to leave, the distrust and rage in her father's eyes destroyed Shivanya. Anya wasn't born, Anya didn't just appear Anya was made, Anya adapted, changed and transformed.

Anya is everything Shivanya wasnt, Anya is selfish, Anya is arrogant, Anya is manipulative and deceptive, Anya doesn't bear and Anya most certainly doesn't want to be someone else. Shivanya dreamt to be an Oberoi, Shivanya wanted to be an true Oberoi and Anya wanted to be as far as possible from Oberoi's. Anya knew she'll be a Kundra she wants it or not while Shivanya's whole life was a cluster of what if's and maybes. Anya knew from the starting her life will be what she makes it, her choices will seal her fate and she can blame no one but herself if she fails.

Shivanya craved for everyone's love, Anya wanted love from few particular persons the rest of world could burn in bright flames for all she cared, flames of envy, desire and cravings. Shivanya cared about what other thoughts, she cried when someone called her a whore....on the other hand Anya smiled brightly and replied with a "takes one to know one" and winked at the girl with a grin that could put the sun to shame.

Once upon a time Shivanya broke a glass by mistake and got scolded and humiliated badly by her dear grandparents....once upon a time Anya a glass bowl slipped from Anya's hand and she froze awaiting shouts and punishment but was just told to leave the site carefully, asked whether she was fine or not with a sly comment from Viaan proclaiming "well, it's clear you will be an awful sportsperson". The next day Anya had thrown a perfectly aimed ball at his head and smiled sweetly while asking "you were saying something."

Shivanya would have apologized and asked are you hurt?? I'm so sorry..I didnt mean to hit you. Anya would stare right into your eyes and say "you deserved it, hope it hurts like hell".

Anya had frenemies and swag, Shivanya had isolation and despair. Shivanya cant ever be Anya and Anya cant ever be Shivanya.

She had gone through so much, made up so many excuses and lies to protect herself, shield herself. Her tears, her sacrifice all lied with just a single person and  family, the Kundra's. Anya was good for them,not the world cause a good person wont manipulate others. A good person wont do things she does, they wont destroy someone  to save someone, they wont manipulate or bribe, they wont separate a child from her mother and Anya isn't a good person she knows that, she knows this as certainly as she knows day will follow after night.

She has seen things, done things that can't be undone. She have made truth seem lie and lie seem truth. She had changed stories, bribe people to not let certain facts out. She is living a lie, lying to everyone about Sisira and she isn't a saint and she is so afraid of herself and the way people depends on her, look up at her for guidance and she always feels she isn't the one for this job. She is so afraid to think how her one suggestion can change someone's life yet here she is with people depending on her, on her who never had someone to depend on...ironic, isn't it.

The way Niks takes her words as law and Savvy, Ro never argues over something she decided, the way one soft statement of her can make Vi, Ansh and Panchi to do what she wants scares her to the core. Even baby Sisira, who fussed and cried first few nights away from her mother now looks at her with utter most trust, always calm and collected in her presence and fussy in her absence. The baby's eyes will always land on her even when she is playing with others and it scares her to think how rapidly the baby has accepted her. How Ira cried when she left for hospital leaving her with her grandparents broke her heart but hospital was no place for her.