Afternoons

another cup of coffee

It's time to talk things out with Eleanor. I don't want to but I have to. I can't keep playing the "you can see me now you can't," type of game. I need to choose. And I've decided what I want.
I speed walk towards the cafe, I'm only a few minutes away and it's cold as shit.
I don't know why I decided to walk when I clearly could've taken my car.
I can't drive that shit though, I'm not sure why I attempted to teach Belva and Omna how to drive when I can barely do it myself. That's why I have my bike.
Lesbians can't drive, but I sure can ride.

As I walk down the sidewalk, I let out big puffs of air. I'm not sure how that would warm me up but I keep doing it anyways.
I love the cold. Though I'm shivering like a damn chihuahua, I would love for it to be cold everyday. The light breezes make the trees sway back and forth, leaves dancing in the air, some already gliding down to the cold ground.

I kick a rock as I walk. I look down at the ground trying to find another one to kick.
That's when I bump into someone.

"I'm very sorry-" I look up to see no other than, the sun kissed beauty or what Zoe calls her 'thick books'.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"I was heading towards the cafe," she says.

"But you're heading towards the direction I'm coming from," I state.

She nods shyly. "I was going to the store.."

"What for? You want to go now? I can take you," I offer.

She shakes her head quickly. "There is no use, now that you're here. I was going to buy something for you but whatever. I'll pay for our coffees instead."

I stay silent. I'm not sure what to say to that. I wonder what she was going to get for me.
I "accidentally" bump into her shoulder.

"Sorry-" she cuts me off knowing well I did it on purpose.

"Shut up and hold my hand, it's getting cold," she snaps.

I smile to myself and do as she says. Her hand instantly warms me all over. We walk towards the cafe, hand in hand. When we arrive we order what we want. Eleanor kept on insisting to buy my food.
There was no use in arguing with her so I gave in.
So when we walked back to our table I slipped a 20 inside her pocket when I grabbed her hand once again.

"Your nose is super red," I comment with a small laugh.

"Well it's cold outside, what do you expect?"

I shrug. "Thanks for the food...Rudolph."

I couldn't help myself, I had to. It didn't matter that she kicked me under the table, it was definitely worth it.
Our food was brought to us, that's when we began to talk.

"What are you so scared of?" Eleanor asks while setting her cup of coffee down.

I sigh. "Committment? Being stuck with someone...I don't know," I pause. "But you- you change my thoughts. And it's annoying. Not in a bad way, nor in a good way. You came out of nowhere and then suddenly I want to be with you but-" I stop myself.

I feel Eleanor's hand on mine, once again. "Continue," she encourages.

I nod and compose myself.

"I want to spend my time with you, doing whatever. Whatever we do doesn't matter, the time and the person I'm with, does. But what if...I get tired?" I look up at the beauty sitting across from me.

I already know that I will never get tired of her. I know that for sure, I just want to know what she thinks. She's a smart girl, she always knows what to say at the right times.

"If you...I'm just going to say it..if you love someone, you'll never get tired of them. And if you get tired of that person, talk to them. Be an adult about it. And there are different types of loves, sometimes people confuse those loves."

See.

"I don't think I'm confused.." I mumble.

"What?"

"Nothing," I say quickly.

"No, say it," she demands.

I shake my head.

"Come on! You need to speak up. Talk."

"What else do you want to hear? I told you I liked you, I said I want to be with you, what else could I possibly say?!" I was becoming frustrated.

Eleanor smiles which makes me even more frustrated. She's enjoying this. But that damn smile always puts a smile on my face.
I bite my tongue to force myself to think of the pain and not the joy that the beauty brings me.

"Hmmm, let me see, what have you possibly not said? Oh! What about 'would you like to be my girlfriend' or maybe 'would you like to go on a real date with me' if you want to take things slow." Eleanor rolls her eyes.

I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out.
I totally forgot about those two lines. And the reason she has been snappy is because she wants to be my girlfriend and I haven't made a move.
What can I say? I'm a lesbian. I don't make the first move.

"Which do you prefer?" I ask.

"Oh my god..." she groans.

"Fine! Would you like to finally go on a real date with me? How's that?"

She shakes her head and stands up. What? I thought she told me to-
Before I can stop her she already walks away. I stand up and leave a tip. I order some more coffee before heading out.
It's so cold...

"Wait!" I yell.

How does she walk so fast? Now I understand Zoe.
I mean, my order didn't take long, it was pretty quick.
Eleanor continues walking not looking back. Well of course she'll do that!

Once I get to her I grab her hand. I don't make her stop but I do continue walking with her in silence. She doesn't attempt to snatch her hand away which is good. I believe.
I slip my hand out of her's for a split second.

"I brought you some more coffee," I say as I grab a cup from the cup holder.

She takes it without a word.

"Eleanor, I'm sorry-"

"Sorry won't do anything, Alexina," she snaps.

I always liked how she said my name. It didn't matter if she was angry or annoyed with me, I just liked the way it sounded coming from her.
She stops in front of a bench and sits down. She sets her down her coffee beside her and crosses her arms, looking away from me.
I set my cup down beside her's and I stand in front of her.

"Could you look at me?" I practically plead.

She doesn't flinch.

"Come on...please?"

After a few seconds she finally looks up at me. I take a step forward. She doesn't stop me so I decide to take another one and so on until I'm between her legs.
I cup her face with my hands. I just stare at her, admiring every detail of her face.
She's so...amazingly beautiful.

"C-can I...kiss you?" I finally breathe out.

She stares at me with a blank expression. I think I wasn't supposed to-

"Yes."

I gulp and lean down. It was all going so slow yet so fast. I lost track of time, I either took 3 seconds to finally touch her lips or 5 minutes.
When my lips finally met hers, I felt a tingly sensation. Her lips were so soft and plump. I could stay like this forever if it were up to me.
The coldness that had taken over my body earlier, suddenly disappeared.

When we finally pulled apart, Eleanor rested her forehead on mine.

"You're an idiot, you know?" She breathes out.

I nod. "I know."