Way Down I'll Go

For Mirth Becomes a Feast

"Can you rate your pain on a 0 to 10 scale? Zero being no pain and ten being the worst pain you've ever felt in your life?"

Jo could tell the nurse was new to her job; probably to her profession. She buzzed with nervous energy and surveyed his multiple drains, wounds, and lines with well-concealed anxiety. She was doing a great job of hiding her trepidation, but Jo could tell she wanted nothing more than to run and hide in the supply closet.

He cleared his throat and tried to smile through the pain.

"About a 3."

"Oh, okay." She sounded relieved. "Do you need any pain medication?"

"No, I'm okay."

It wasn't a lie. He was alive. And the pain shooting throughout every inch of his body was nowhere near the worst he'd ever felt.

"Okay, I'm going to listen to your heart, lungs, and bowels if that's okay."

Jo tried not to wince as she pressed a little too hard on his ribcage. She noticed.

"I'm so sorry!"

"You're fine. You're doing great."

Her eyes widened in embarrassment.

"It's my first day off orientation," she admitted, then caught herself. "I definitely shouldn't be broadcasting that."

He chuckled despite the white hot pain it shot across his chest.

"I won't tell," he grunted through gritted teeth, offering her a small smile.

She smiled back, and he saw her confidence rise. After completing her glacially slow assessment, she promised to return with his morning medications once she'd assessed the rest of her patients, almost running straight into Rachel in her haste to exit the room.

"They gave you a baby nurse?" 

Rachel's tone was a mixture of annoyance and amusement.

"She has to learn somehow," Jo offered.

Rachel smiled.

"You're too good for this world, Jo. You know that, right?"

"I can leave anytime. Just say the word," he joked.

"Don't you dare!" She scowled in fake anger, making her way to the chair beside his bed.

She took his hand in hers and breathing somehow seemed easier again.

"I've made a decision," she said after a beat.

"That I'm more trouble than I'm worth?" he asked, only half kidding.

She glared.

"I'd give you a good smack if it wouldn't break you in half."

He grinned.

"No," she resumed quietly. "About us."

Oh.

"I've decided that we should be together."

He tried to speak but she shushed him and continued.

"And I've decided that you shouldn't have a say in the matter. Because when it comes to yourself, you don't make good decisions. You're selfless and all that. I, on the other hand, am a terribly selfish person. So I've decided it's best that we're together. Because I know you're happier when we're together. And you can't keep going like you are alone. You need someone whether you like it or not. It might as well be someone who loves you like crazy. And I do, Jo. I love you so freaking much."