UNEXPECTED

Chapter 9

The next day I sit in french class and am talking to a random boy while glancing at the door every few seconds to see him walking in. You know who.

A few minutes pass, and then he walks through the door.

I look at him but he doesn't look at me. I try to create a connection between us but he doesn't. He looks through the classroom, brushes carelessly through his hair and just walks to his place without looking at me.

I instantly turn around and try one more time to make eye contact with him but he won't let our eyes cross. Instead he keeps fidgeting with his curls and pulls his airpods in.

Well if it is like that.
I turn back to face the teacher who just walked in, trying to concentrate on the lesson instead of thinking about what just happened.

At first I act strong. I act like it's nothing dramatic. I tell myself that I'm not hurt.
Like it is absolutely clear that it was just a hookup. I did not actually catch feelings for this guy, right?

But as the minutes pass my disappointment spreads further and further and I feel a small tear escaping my eye.

After not participating the whole lesson, and sucking my tears in I walk out of class with my heart feeling a little bit broken.

I just cannot accept the fact that I am really so naive.

The next day he is not in school and the day after he is but he still does not talk to me.

I slowly begin thinking that I did something wrong.
My head feels like it's exploding any second and I cannot focus on class anymore.

As a few more days pass I feel like I'm getting sick and on Wednesday I decide to stay home instead of going to school.

Not only that my head hella hurts but I also can't stand the feeling of getting ignored by this one person anymore. To then concentrate on class just seems impossible to me. It feels so humiliating.

I stand up from my bed and sit on the floor, in front of my mirror, looking at myself.

My messy bun looks like I've slept with it for weeks and my mascara is not on its origin place anymore but all over my cheeks. I look exactly how I feel.

I try to think about it one more time with a clear mindset.

Of course there would be the option of going to him and asking him why he acts like that.

I could ask him straight to his face why he tells me that he likes me but then acts like I'm not existing. I could ask him why the hell he is being so mean.

But what if he laughs just right at my face and tells me that it meant nothing to him.

The more I think about it the more I feel like this is gonna be his answer.
If it really is I would just prefer not knowing it. It would be even worse than being ignored.

So I should probably just suck it in and move on. I mean we have known each other for only a week anyway.
Funny, it seems like a joke.

"Yeah, really funny. Hilarious." I say to myself in a small voice, looking into my mirror as another tear runs down my cheek.

"My life is a joke." I keep talking to myself while crying. "That's what it is."

Since I feel like I've already gone crazy I continue with my self conversation.

"I have one question question for you. Why on earth would you fall in love with someone who looks this handsome after only three days and why would you actually think there would be the smallest possibility that he likes you back?"

That felt kinda good.

"How is it even possible to fall in love with someone that fast? That's not normal"

I stand up and walk into my bathroom, to take a bath with the saddest sad music to ever exist. Lana del Rey here I come.

-

The next morning I already feel a bit better and return to school. I am wearing my favorite dress today, it's a tight, black mini dress with pastel blue lines on it. It makes me feel better.

It is not that I am over him. Not at all. It is just that I feel like I should know my self worth more. After spending time in my bathtub for about an hour I came to the conclusion that I should definitely not sit at home crying, when he is the one who made a mistake.

I will try to love myself more. And as I love myself more I will try to love him a little bit less.

Sounds like a plan, doesn't it?

As I walk into school I feel like today is gonna be a good day. A day without fear. A day that will help my grades because I will be good in class.
I will do good.

The first three classes Mathematics, Spanish and Geography go perfectly well and my teachers certainly seem to notice, who each smile at me when I walk out.

The first half of the day is done.

It is time for French now and as I walk into the classroom a little bit late, I intentionally do not take a look around while walking to my place.

I talk to the guys next to me, work with Jules (the red head sitting next to me, who turned out to be a very nice person) and try to better my oral grade by raising my hand every single time he asks a question.

I guess the plan was successful.

Two hours later I am at home, laying on my coach, listening to music again when I get a text from an unknown number.

"Hey it's Greg. Are you gonna be my tutor in french tomorrow?"

My phone blinks another time.

"Help is necessarily needed!!"

I smile and text him back that I have time tomorrow and afterwards save him to my contacts.

hey it's me again!! life's just not easy atm but i finally had the time & motivation to write the next chapter so here it is (i always upload the chapters instantly after i finished writing them so the time can variate) PLEASE VOTE IF U LIKED IT X
p.s to all the girls : never let yourself get down because of a boy! you are worth a lot more than that. okay? see you next time! p.ps: should i leave author notes or not? let me know xx