Catch 22

10

"How are you feeling?" Kate asks me through the screen as I lay in my bunk, my headphones in for our daily FaceTime chat.

"Nervous?" I ask more than tell.

"I think that's valid," she says as Cope leans forward and tries to bite her phone.

"Cope, stop." My sister scolds, moving the phone farther away from the infants mouth.

"God, I've been gone like a week and she already looks like she's grown so much. She's gonna forget how much she loves her Aunt Sagey." I say somberly.

"Yeah, right." My sister says rolling her eyes. "Back to this thing with the bassist. Talk to him. Be honest. If he is who you think he is then he'll understand. I don't know why you have this idea that you're unlovable Sage, you're not."

"I have so much baggage, Katie." I argue.

"And the right man won't give a shit. None of your problems were caused by you."

I go to protest but she raises her finger to stop me.

"Mom dying was not your fault. Miller dying was not your fault. Dad walking out on us was not your fault. It's been years Sage, you've got to stop torturing yourself like this. You're allowed to be happy. From what I've heard, sounds like you found someone with the potential to make you happy. Don't push him away before you even get the chance to get to know him."

I turn my gaze to stare out the small window of my bunk, the scenery of somewhere between Detroit and Chicago flying by outside.

"Go get ready, Sage.  I know it'll make you feel better. I'd tell you not to stress but I know that won't help anything. Just know that Cope and I love and miss you loads. If this Calum kid can't deal with your past then that's his loss, remember that."

I give a small nod and focus my attention back on my two favorite people on the planet.

"I love you both. I'll call with any developments." I say.

She makes Copeland wave to the phone and I blow kisses to her before exchanging I love you's with my sister and ending the call.

I guess there's no time like the present.

I force myself up and out of my bunk, grabbing my makeup bag and heading for the back lounge to use the floor length mirror that's in there.

"Hey!" Mark calls out to me as I enter and situate myself so I can apply my makeup, he's playing one of the video game systems that's hooked up with Anthony who gives a small wave.

"Hey guys." I say politely.

"Sage, the crew is all gonna go out for lunch when we get there. You in?" Mark asks, his eyes never leaving the TV screen and their game.

"I, um, I actually sort of already have lunch plans." I say, my cheeks turning bright red.

"Oh, um, okay. Who with?" Mark asks, sounding almost, jealous?

"Um.." His question sparks an internal debate within me. Should I tell him? I've always been one to keep my relationships private but, this isn't a relationship. Not yet anyways, and I've already broken most of my rules as it is, what's one more going to hurt.

"Calum. I'm having lunch with Calum." I finally say.

Mark pauses the game and he and Anthony both turn to me.

"Wh-what?" I ask. Their matching looks of concern alarming me.

"Nothing." Anthony says breaking the silence, "Cal just isn't usually a 'date' type guy." He says slowly the unsaid words hanging in the air and suddenly I'm questioning everything.