This isn't what friends do

47. Brandon; Tell me how badly you want me

We were both sat at the end of my bed legs dangling over the edge Mason again more into playing than me always getting so absorbed in it as I laughed every time I came close to being shot or every time I crashed my car.

“Nooooooo!” He dragged out throwing himself onto my bed swinging his legs above his head as he lost the battle against the computer. I couldn’t help but laugh at his dramatics.

“You know your not actually dead right?” I asked my smile not being able to stay hidden long even though I knew he probably wanted to kill me too for how I was laughing at him so much.

“No but I just lost all my coins.” He grunted pouting at me like a baby. I was watching him like he was the only person in this world not caring that I was still in the game a good job my character was hidden behind a wall protected. He didn’t even seem to care I was looking at him his stare on a single non existent spot on the ceiling. I hated now he had been acting recently. Like I no longer mattered. It was as if every feeling he had felt for me was gone just like that me being nothing but a friend. He hadn’t tried anything with me and I know I hadn’t him either but God did I want to. It was on my mind all the time wondering if I kissed him if he would even kiss me back, if he even would want me to. It seemed more likely to me that he would push me away probably because of Nora I know but still it bothered me that I seemed to have such a little effect on him anymore. Even when he knew the other night I was turned on by him he didn’t seem to care himself.

“Here take over.” I remembered the controller in my hand as it vibrated as someone shot me clearly my hiding space not making me invincible. He didn’t need telling again sitting and ripping the control out my grip running out from my secret place and launching a grenade towards whoever had been shooting.

He was perfect to me. Even now paying no attention to me, even knowing there's the possibility I’d lost my chance with him... perfect.

All I wanted was to slide my arms around his waist and hold him watch him as he played the game still the thing stopping me being how insecure I still felt about being so open with him and how I feel. Admitting to him I liked him was hard the only reason I think I did all those months ago was because I was sure he felt similar to me. Admitting it to myself that I liked a guy was the hardest. It didn’t seem right to me. It’s not like I have a problem with other people being into the same sex I just never thought of myself in that way. Still now after all this time of knowing it, it still felt foreign to me. Maybe it was another reason I was staying with Nora. She was safe, she was so unremarkable and predictable and just common. I know how to be with women but if I left her if I tried to make things work with Mason even if in secret at first I’d be so out of my comfort zone I’d be terrified. Handjobs were easy for us because we both have dicks and both have done it to ourselves obviously but anything more I’d be clueless. When I was younger and first began getting into it with girls I’d watched so much porn I felt like I knew what to do it kind of came naturally but still after the gay stuff I watched I felt lost hopefully Mason has a better idea and he can guide us through it when it happens... if it happens.

“No!” His yell pulled me from my thoughts making me realise my eyes had been locked onto his stomach this entire time even though I wasn’t paying any attention to what I was looking at as I zoned out. “No no noooo!”

Again he sighed falling back onto the bed looking deflated as again he lost the controller loosely sat in his hand on his stomach. I lay backwards next to him us both looking to the ceiling for a second before I felt his face turn to look at mine me doing the same a smile spreading our faces as we lay only inches apart. I saw the way his eyes went to my lips mine doing the same being pulled away when he spoke. “Did you speak to your Mom yesterday?”

I sighed moving to look back up to the ceiling. Mason was the only person other than my Dad to care about my Mom. Non of the other guys ever asked anything about her, they knew everything but they don’t care about it just like I wouldn’t care if it was them instead of me. I barely knew anything about everyone else’s parents and families because it didn’t matter. It was only me and Mason that were this close... and I suppose Mason and Blair at times I guess that’s what annoys me and makes me so jealous. “Yeah. I text her.” I answered honestly still fixed on a spot of nothing so I didn’t have to look at him.

“Are you going to see her anytime soon?” He asked sounding so genuinely interested like always.

“Probably not. She said she’s busy and will try in a few weeks.” I shrugged looking over to him finally the entire time his eyes had been locked onto me reading my every expression probably trying to read into my answers too to see how I truly felt. I sounded cold and he more than likely knew it was because I was trying to pretend she didn’t bother me. “You know what she’s like always so unpredictable. The last time I saw her was like in April so like eight months ago. I’m not surprised anymore.” I continued not wanting him to worry about me. I stopped and he stayed silent eventually his fingers brushed against mine between us yet neither of us held onto each other just yet. “When they first split I know you weren’t around but I saw her every other week and then it got less and less. By the time we did know each other I saw her randomly like one minute she would see me twice a week and then months would go by.”

“I remember when she moved to Wales you took it hard.” He whispered making me look over at him again.

“We had only been talking properly  a few weeks then.” I laughed a little that he would of even noticed that. He gave me a warming smile. “I did because I knew I’d see her even less and I was right. I know I’m almost eighteen and she probably thinks I don’t care and most of the time I don’t but Christmas and Birthdays she should at least message me and try to see me not wait until I message her.” I opened up with him his fingers giving me reassurance that he was listening and he cared as they entwined with mine as I spoke.

“What do you think she’d say about us?” He asked and I looked over to him again my eyes travelling over his body. I wanted to say who cares, I’d love him even if she didn’t but instead I played it cool.

“She knows we are friends. Remember you met her I think she already likes you-" I was pretty much finished when he cut me off.