Love Me Dear (Love Me Book 3)

Chapter 20

Josiah had asked to meet in the conference room for their meeting. Trinity had the feeling it was an attempt to meet on neutral ground. She had arrived before he did and set everything they needed within easy reach before she moved to look out the window at the cold mountains.

She didn't realize that she had a gentle smile playing around her lips as she thought about Levi. If she hadn't been in love with him before last night, she definitely would be this morning. He was gentle and kind, everything that Christopher wasn't, and as much as she hated to compare them, she couldn't help it. In a way, it was good because she could appreciate Levi and everything he offered, but part of her knew it wasn't fair to Levi because she hadn't moved on and put her past where it belonged, in the past.

The door behind her opened, and Josiah entered with his computer and files tucked under his arm. He nodded in Trinity's direction and placed his computer and files opposite where she had placed her computer.

"Let's finish this. I have a few other things that I need to take care of today."

"I think we need to talk first, Josiah."

"Why would we need to do that?" he asked as he fired up his computer, tucking his tie against his chest as he entered his password onehanded.

"Because you're mad at me." Trinity turned to face him, placing her back to the window as she leaned against the sill.

"It's none of my business," Josiah said as he stood and crossed his arms.

"You made it your business when you dropped your little bomb about what Levi was doing with the lawyers. Why did you do that? Why did you tell me?" She knew why he had told her. He had been testing her, but she wanted to see if he would admit it.

Josiah stared at her in silence, refusing to say a word.

Trinity tried again. "Your father told me a little about your mother."

Josiah couldn't hide his shocked reaction in time, and Trinity noted it.

"Then you know he deserves better than her? He deserves to have someone love him for him and not use him for what he can provide." Josiah's voice was harsh.

"Is that what she did, she used Levi? Is that what you think I'm doing?" Trinity watched the muscle in his jaw tick.

"I thought you said he told you about her?" His look was accusing as if she had trapped him.

"I said he had told me a little, and it was about their relationship. Levi didn't say why your mother chose to marry him. Are you sure he knows that's what she was doing?"

"Of course, he knows!" Josiah insisted.

"You feel I'm treating Levi the same way your mother did?" Trinity nodded.

"Aren't you? He's rushing in saving the day, taking care of you, and you can't even show an ounce of gratitude. All you can say is that it is kind of him." He drew out the word kind as if it was a bad word.

Trinity could tell Josiah that she had thanked Levi properly, that she loved him, but Trinity felt it would be too little too late at this point.

"My mother was a cold woman with no feeling. She ran away from an abusive father and ended up with an abusive partner at sixteen years old. He didn't want her once he realized she was pregnant, so she used her looks to move from man to man until she met Levi. Kind, gentle, Levi. She saw her mark. She did everything she could to trap him, and she succeeded. We suddenly went from hell on earth to heaven living here with him."

Trinity felt her sick. It was history repeating itself all over again. "Did Levi know about your mother's past?" The question was very important to Trinity. Josiah was sure that Levi knew he was being used by his mother, but was Josiah sure Levi knew why she was using him?

"I don't see how he wouldn't know about it after fourteen years of marriage." Josiah shrugged.

"And now he's doing it all over again with me. He's saving another damsel in distress." Trinity's voice was cold. She couldn't help it. Every piece of her was numb. She couldn't do that to Levi. She couldn't cause him anymore heartache.

Josiah saw her as a cold woman with no feelings because of her past.

She could deny it, tell Josiah that it was different, that she loved Levi, but he wouldn't believe her. He was living in the past just like she was, and it wasn't fair to Levi. He was right about that.

"You think I should let him go?" Trinity asked, and the words broke her heart. She had only just found him.

Josiah's eyes met hers, and they were full of anger. "I think that would be best."

"It wouldn't matter if I told you I loved him, would it?" Trinity's voice was even.

Josiah remained silent, watching her. He was unaffected by her statement.

"What's changed, you were doing everything you could up until this week to throw us together. Was it finding out about my past? The fact that I had an abusive husband. Is that what's changed?" Trinity walked over to her laptop and pulled up the file they were reviewing.

She had felt herself slowly returning to the land of the living over the last few months, but now she was pushed back into the cold, lifeless shell of survival mode.

"It's history repeating itself, isn't it?" His eyes narrowed as he looked at her. He shared her earlier thoughts. 

Trinity looked up and met his eyes with a cold look of her own.

"It sure sounds like it. Should we get this finished?" She motioned to the computer.

"I want to know what you're going to do, Trinity?" Josiah demanded as the door to the conference room opened, and Levi popped his head around it with a smile.

The sight of it made her heart turn over, and her soul weep.

"How's it going in here?" he asked.

"It's going fine. We should have an answer for you shortly," Trinity said as she noticed that Josiah's face turned red at Levi's sudden appearance.

"Good, can I do anything to help?" he asked, looking from Josiah's back to Trinity's forced smile.

"No, we got it handled. Thanks," Trinity assured him.

Levi nodded and left, closing the door behind him.

"Should we get this done," Trinity suggested, all business.

"You played that cool," Josiah said as she sat across from her. "Which proves my point."

"That I'm a cold woman with no feelings." Trinity couldn't hide the catch in her throat this time as she said the words. "I got it, Josiah. I'll be gone by the weekend. I don't want to stay where I'm not wanted. But perhaps you shouldn't be so hard on your mother. If what you say about her past is true, then perhaps she couldn't help herself much less let anyone else help her. Until you've been at the mercy of someone else's fists, you can't possibly know what it takes to survive that kind of situation."

She couldn't look at him because of the tears in her eyes, and because of that, she missed Josiah's brief look of confusion at the hurt he heard in her voice.

She knew he was right, Levi deserved total happiness, and having her in his life would keep him from finding it. She couldn't even make herself happy; how could she hope to make anyone else.

Trinity ignored her heart that was screaming at her that Levi made her happy as they got down to work.