Daydreams And Nightshade (DaN #1)

Chapter 52: Done

It seemed as though he'd run out of things to talk about. Even after coming up with lie after lie to mix in with truths to keep the story going for hours, Noah was finally out of ideas.

They'd taken a break. The soldiers had to prepare for another move, and some had left to scout the area. Noah desperately wished they'd slip up and let Ivan and the others know where they were. It wouldn't be impossible. They were pretty sinister but had likely chosen the better option by avoiding the actual battlefield. He wasn't sure people would reward them for capturing and torturing prisoners though. Especially since they hadn't gotten anything out of it yet.

Aside from taking pleasure in degrading a tragic, rich man of course, but Noah had a feeling no one would reward them for that either.

He tried to brace himself for the next story. No matter what he thought of, it would be too similar to the countless ones he'd told already. It was bad enough that he barely remembered most of the real ones, but being imaginative enough to think of new ones in a situation like his was a mind torture of its own.

But he really wished he could lie about just one more thing, because the only true story remaining was the big one. The last one that he'd promised them, but he'd never be ready to tell it. Despite not remembering much of that night, he still knew what happened. He had many marks on his body to remind him after all.

He glanced over at Cassius who still avoided eye contact, and he let out a barely audible sigh. For better or worse, at least it'd be over soon.

"I had to cut my hair," he continued from where he'd left off as the other gathered one again. They were probably going to move right after, seeing how some of them stayed behind to keep preparing. "It was before everyone found out what was going on, and I didn't want them to notice the patches where they'd torn off my hair almost completely."

He closed his eyes. It was a daze, but he could still vaguely remember everyone's expressions as they realized what he'd been doing, and it stung his chest immensely.

"When they finally found out, they made several, futile attempts to make me stop going back there, but I couldn't pretend to care. I ignored most things my father and grandfather said, and while that was somewhat bad behavior, nothing compared to the several outbursts I directed towards my sister. I don't remember exactly what I said during most of them, but I remembered they happened, and how much it hurt her."

He scrunched up his nose.

"The last time it happened, she cried. It was the first time I'd seen it. And I... I didn't care at the time, but it's always been agonizing to look back on it. She never wanted to talk about what I said exactly, but for her to be that upset it must have been pretty nasty."

"I don't care about your sister's feelings," Calvez muttered, picking up a rock to throw it in Cassius' direction. Fortunately Cassius tilted his head to dodge it. "Get on with your sick life, and make it interesting."

Noah's lip curled. It'd be interesting all right. Not the word he would've used, but he didn't bother correcting a sadistic soldier's strange choice of words.

He drew a deep breath. He had no options left it seemed.

"It was the last night I spent there," he started, and the group seemed to perk up at that. "I remember being torn while walking there. I'd used fairly drastic measures to get out of the house, and the pain I'd caused my family already was finally taking a toll on my mind. I think it was the first time I considered trying to stop, for their sake." His expression darkened. "Then I ran into Finn."

Finally, Noah could see Cassius' head turn towards him in the corner of his eye.

"I tried walking by silently, not acknowledging him at all, but he stopped me." Noah gritted his teeth. "After everything that had happened and him not wanting anything to do with me, of all times that would be when he stopped me. When he finally talked to me again."

Calvez opened his mouth, but Noah wouldn't let him speak.

"A small, naïve part of me wanted to believe he had regrets, or just wanted to give me another chance, but of course he didn't. The sight of me seemed to repulse him, but he still smiled. He looked at me as though he'd been right, and in a sense maybe that was true."

"It—" Cassius interrupted himself and turned his head again to stare at the ground.

Noah knitted his eyebrows, but continued.

"He'd already known about it. I suppose the rumors had spread rapidly, as they always do. And he... He mocked me for it, but in a way to suggest he was also pleased with what had become of me. That I'd found my true calling."

He squeezed his eyes together.

"That's when it turned bad. I gave up on everything. I couldn't care anymore about what people did to me, so I let them do anything. I barely cared about easing the pain. I just took it all until I passed out. And... That's the last thing I ever remembered about that night, even when I woke up."

His lip trembled.

"When I woke up, covered in bruises, cuts and chafed wrists. Someone had strangled me pretty badly. Maybe that's how I'd passed out... I don't know. It was too overwhelming. The pain, the withdrawal, and sudden desperation to get out of there. But what I came to feel the most were..." He glanced over his shoulder. "... Those words. There were several reasons I couldn't lie down on my back for a long time, but... Those were the worst part."

The entire camp was silent as he continued.

"It finally dawned on me what was happening. What I'd been doing, the poor state I was in, how I'd been treated, and the betrayal I felt from those I worked with. I realized the pain I'd caused my family, and it was likely everyone knew. The entire town knew, and I was supposed to be in charge later." He leaned his head back against the tree, looking up at the purple and yellow sky. The sun was setting. "A big part of me wanted to give up right then and there, as I woke up to the chaos of my family desperately trying to patch me up. 'Why do they bother?' I'd thought. But the more I was able to finally see how much they cared, and recalling the months of me rejecting their help but them refusing to give up, I figured... Maybe it was worth a try. Maybe I could get better after all."

"And that's when you stopped?" Marteau asked, and Noah's lips turned into a bittersweet smile.

"Pretty much... I can't say I wasn't tempted to go back so many times, and it's not as though I stopped having outbursts during my recovery. It was almost as painful as the damage I'd suffered before, but... I found out later there was nothing to go back to anyway."

"How so?"

"The brothel was gone. Disappeared. It didn't even start up anywhere else it seemed..." Noah pursed his lips. "I'm... Fairly sure it was my father and grandfather. I think them seeing me in a state like that finally made them snap. I—I knew both of them had fairly violent pasts, but they'd tried to suppress it for Luna and I's sake. I guess it just went too far that time."

The silence struck hard as Noah stopped talking, and he knitted his eyebrows.

"That's it, then?" Calvez asked, tilting his head. "You're done?"

"Yes," Noah mumbled, still staring at the sky above. It was so beautiful. Past him wouldn't have appreciated it like he did now. "Yes, I'm done."

"Good."

Then Noah received a kick to the head, a ringing sound being the only thing he could distinguish before passing out.