Bend and Break(poly)(bxb)

Seventeen

T/W: Mentions of rape

There's no party this time. The clouds stir in a frenzy of indigo and gray. The moonless sky doesn't spare us a single slither of light.

Seven doesn't even realize when it's time to get out of the car. L has to call his name three times and when the younger looks up, there are tears in his eyes.

"Hey," Von rushes over to the backseat, dark wavy hair crashing with the incoming storm. "What's your color?"

Colors represent feelings Seven can't put into words. The mood is heavy and trepid. The clouds are yelling down at us and the air is suffocating us with each breath. Flashes of lightning promise thunder and the humidity threatens rain.

Seven's mouth opens and closes four times. He looks from Von to L to the rest of us and shivers. When the wind blows his tears fall.

"Black," he says. He's shaking so bad he can't control himself at all. "I'm sorry for what I did. I t-took it too far again, didn't I?"

"Don't apologize. It's not your fault."

"You didn't." L and Von speak over each other.

"I did," Seven chokes. "And now I remember... everything."

Frailty.

I get it now. Maybe this is why Von told me to be careful of him. He's so strong. But it's so easy to forget when he looks like this. When he looks pale with sickness and saturated with sensitivity at the same time.

"You don't have to talk about anything anymore, Seven. I'm not going g to make you, I shouldn't have ever done that. I was desperate." L says.

Seven shakes his head. His tears in the wind sparkle like crystals, but his eyes are the darkest I've ever seen them.

"This is our fault for not protecting you."

He frantically shakes his head at Romero's words too before throwing his head in his hands. "I don't deserve this."

"Don't deserve what?" Romero asks.

"This. You all trying to take the blame from me, to comfort me. I can't deserve this too."

"What?" Romero asks, reaches out to touch Seven but the smaller unconsciously shakes his hand off. "We care about you. You deserve to be cared about."

"They said I deserved to get raped and you're saying I deserve this. How can I deserve both? It doesn't make sense."

There's a moment when no one knows what to say. When I force the bile back down my throat and when Von runs a hand through his hair and looks away from the group.

"They said– when th-they–"

"Stop," L says again, he approaches Seven and places the younger's head on his shoulder. "I'm going to carry you to your room, okay?"

Seven nods slowly and lets L pick him up. He wraps his arms and crosses his legs weakly around L's back.

"Are you going to leave me in my room alone?" Seven's voice is wobbly as we all follow the pair inside.

"Not until I know it's safe for you to be alone," L responds completely unaffected by carrying the younger.

"I want to be alone." Seven sighs as he presses his tear-soaked face against L's neck. "But I need you... and Mero."

L nods against him, once again carrying the weight of everything. Maybe L needs someone to take care of just as much as the rest of us need to be taken care of. Maybe it fills a void. He feeds off of Von's impulsivity, my anger, Romero's wrath, and Seven's sadness. It gives him a virtue. He can't be all bad if he's at least good to his gang members. If he provides therapy and medicine we can forget the skepticism and poison.