Confessions of an Ex-Death-Eater

Saturday 17th November 2007

'Draco!' Harry almost split his wine in surprise as Draco's head appeared in the flames of the fireplace in front of him.

'Sorry to make you jump, Scorpius wanted to invite Teddy over tomorrow and we wondered if you both wanted to come for lunch again?'

'Oh, thank you, yes, that would be lovely. Teddy was just asking yesterday when he could see Scorpius again.'

'Great. Also, I was thinking about going Christmas tree hunting next weekend, we always put an early one up outside the front of the house and wondered if you wanted to help me.'

Harry laughed.

'What?'

'It's just it sounds like you have some wild Christmas tree roaming around the manor grounds which need stalking and ambushing.'

'You'd be surprised,' grinned Draco. 'They're terribly ferocious up Wiltshire way, and very good at lurking in dark corners. We have to capture and tame them long before we bring them indoors and as for trying to put lights and decorations on them, well, it can be quite a fight into submission.'

Harry laughed again, 'I can just imagine it.' His stomach did that Funny Little Flip-Thing again. 'Draco, would you like to come through?'

Harry heard Narcissa say, 'go on then, darling, it's okay, I'll look after Scorpius.'

Draco's head disappeared and then a moment later he was stepping through from the Floo system. He brushed down the navy cable-knit jumper he was wearing and Harry had to berate himself for thinking Draco looked rather cuddly.

'Would you like a glass of wine?' And without waiting for an answer, Harry rushed off to get another glass and bring the bottle in from the kitchen.

'You've had your hair cut,' Draco said wryly, studying him closely.

'Er, yes.' Harry ran his fingers through the shortened cut, 'I'm still not sure about it but Mione and Gin said I needed updating, whatever that means.'

'It's nice,' Draco said. He was eyeing Harry's jumper and taking in the ring and silver band on his wrist and suddenly Harry felt rather bashful of the change and a bit foolish too.

'Thanks,' he said lamely and threw himself down onto the sofa, embarrassed.

'What is it?' Draco asked, perching on the sofa next to him.

'I just... you just caught me trying out some new stuff, I feel self-conscious,' he said honestly.

'Is that Hermione and Ginny too?' Draco asked.

'Yes, Mione said my life had become "boringly steadfast" and she decided to take matters in hand, something about looking like a sixty-year-old professor from the 1970s. I think I'm meant to be insulted.'

'Oh, well, they've done a good job. Are you and Ginny still...'

The question hung in the air.

'Oh, no, just friends. We split up before she joined the Harpies and I've been single ever since.' Somehow, they had managed to keep their break up out of the press and interest eventually died off. It had helped stay the attention from overly devoted parties who became obsessed in snaring the Saviour of the Wizarding World, and Gin was quite happy to keep her private affairs away from the public's prying eye.

'Why've you remained single?' Draco looked genuinely surprised.

'Did you want a wine?' Harry said rapidly, not wanting to answer the question because it would probably mean telling Draco he was gay and he was scared about openly admitting his sexuality and all sorts of other things he wasn't quite ready to face but was slowly getting better at dealing with.

'Are you avoiding answering the question?'

'Yes.' Harry said as he poured and handed Draco a glass of red wine. 'I've been reading your book.'

'Jane Eyre?' Draco leaned back into the sofa, turning towards Harry and looking far less rigid and quite relaxed. Harry thought he rather liked seeing Draco looking like that on his sofa.

'Yes, she's just met Mr Rochester for the first time and he's being all belligerent and he's fallen off his high horse.'

'Sounds appropriately familiar, seeing as I managed to make a mess of our first two meetings!' Draco grimaced with humour.

'I'm slightly worried about the parallels you've suggested.'

'Yes?'

'Well, you've obviously placed me as Jane, the orphan in an abusive foster family.'

'Yes, not to emasculate you, if that's what you're worried about. I should say it is a classic literature trope, the start of a coming-of-age story in which the protagonist matures and finds themselves to overcome their hardships and their personal battles.'

'So, Jane's hardships are obvious but her personal battles must include controlling her temper, is that the significance of the red room bit?'

'Yes, it's a story about self-control versus passion, the young Jane lets her passions control her, the red room is the first time she learns self-control, though the red room is more symbolic than that but that becomes relevant later.'

'And is Jane's passion supposed to be you or me?'

'A bit of both, I suppose. As I child I had to learn to hide a lot of emotions.'

'The Malfoy mask?'

'The what?'

'You always appeared to be wearing a mask, I didn't see it until our later years, and it wasn't until after Confessions that I understood completely what I was seeing.'

'I guess it's a good description. I try not to wear it these days, even if I'm feeling weak or vulnerable. You saw me at one of my worst the other week, I get knocked low every so often, especially when I'm tired. It's an aftermath of the Cruciatus...' Draco's voice faded. 'Sometimes I get a bit disorientated by sounds and then I end up overwhelmed by everything. I'm not sure what made you do it but I'm very grateful you came and found me.'

'I don't know either really, just a feeling. You looked a bit uncertain about things when we were talking so I just waited for your car, and when it didn't come out, well, I came looking. It's a horrible carpark at the best of times.'

They didn't say anything for a bit, both watching the flames contemplatively and sipping their wine.

'You know, you shouldn't be embarrassed about the new look, you should wear it more often, it suits you,' Draco said, blushing slightly. 'I like it,' he added.

'Thanks. I felt really good last night when we came out of the barbers and even in the clothes this morning, but you know me, I've not really ever been one for doing the clothes thing. I guess it stems from the Dursley's and living in hand-me-downs. I just suddenly felt a bit self-conscious, it all seems a bit superficial.'

'Not if it makes you feel good, we all deserve that from time to time. Will you tell me about it, about the Dursleys?'

Harry shrugged, 'there's not much to tell really.'

It was strange for Harry to be speaking about the past again. He'd not really ever told anyone about it in full detail. Only Ron and Mione knew something near the full extent of what the Dursley's had put him through and that was a long time ago now. In many ways, and perhaps it was because of Confessions and knowing what he'd had been through too but sharing it with Draco was easier. Although Draco'd never been neglected, he understood what it was to be a victim of abuse and for both of them there was a sense of catharsis as well as a sense of bonding in talking about the past.

It was late when Draco eventually Floo-ed back to the manor and Harry crawled up to bed, looking forward, in particular, to the next day and going Christmas tree hunting with Draco and the boys.

*****