Queen of the Clueless #2 of 3 (COMPLETE)

Chapter 17

Quin didn't look like a college boy anymore.

See, even though he was immortal, he walked on this particular college campus as a twenty-one year old guy. I asked him once what the deal was, why have bodies at all.

He said that if he wanted to accomplish something, he'd choose a body that would help him do it.

So does Quin Apolinario actually exist? I asked.

Of course he does.

No, I mean does he exist separate from you. Does he have parents? Did a woman go to a hospital and give birth to a baby, and then you just took over its body? What happens when you're done with what you need to do, does Quin just die?

Yes.

Yes what?

Yes to all of it.

Maybe I needed a philosophy degree to understand all of it. At some point I just stopped asking.

I wasn't alone at the launch party. As soon as I stepped into the auditorium, a friend put a cold bottle of some pink liquid in my hand, and there was no shortage of air-kissing and people telling me how happy they were to see me. I couldn't have given you the names of half of them. For some reason I had more friends this year.

But they weren't enough of a crowd to keep me from seeing Quin and Ms. Cabral, talking by the fire exit. He was talking, she was sipping her pink drink. Just them, and me, and a thousand people.

At some point Vida took the stage, looking radiantly beautiful, reminding people that this was a senior send-off party too and the bonfire would still be happening after the TV crew packed up and left. It was a bit difficult to focus on her though, what with Kathy Martin's pretty face being projected on the large screen onstage.

Two indie bands performed in front of me, people danced and jumped all around my space. I did not move a step for an hour, I think. And neither did the two people I was watching. Quin seemed so in his twenties all of a sudden.

I started to wonder where Robbie was.

I blinked, and Diego showed up midway between me and the two twentysomethings. A moment later, he was right next to me.

"Help me build a bonfire," he said.

* * *

Everyone wanted to be on TV, so no one else was building the bonfire on the open field on the other side of campus.

"I don't think students should be allowed to set anything on fire," I said, for the record.

Diego tossed a dry branch as large as his arm into what looked like a huge can. "We're watching out for everyone."

"We meaning our divine chaperones?"

"You're in a bad mood, New Girl."

Sometimes, Diego didn't seem like a dangerous hothead that my mother would warn me about. Sometimes, he seemed like someone who could actually understand what it was like to feel something.

I wondered how much of that story about Maganda's Regret was true.

"I have moods," I said. "I'm human, I can have them."

"We have them too. Quin is different. Robots wish they could be that stoic."

"I didn't say this was about Quin."

He shook his head and threw another branch in. "It's always about him with you."

A small flame flickered among the branches. As far as I could see, no torch was brought to it, but it caught fire anyway. Soon it was healthy and orange, but very controlled.

"Are you doing that?" I asked.

"Soon you'll be able to, also."

"Great, I'll save so much when I stop buying matches."

Diego pulled me close enough to the fire to feel its warmth. "It won't get any better, you know."

"What are you talking about?"

"You've obviously never been infatuated before. It happens. You deal with it."

My face fell, and I imagined something, like my hopes and dreams, falling with it to the fire.

"But I'm the Goddess of Love," I said. "I know how it can get better for people."

"Regular people who fall in love with regular people, yes."

And not for me? Ever?

If I chose to love Quin, I guess.

The fire made a popping sound as it consumed my hopes and dreams.

Suddenly, pain. Inside of my rib cage. It was familiar; I felt it in other people. But this time it was mine, a similar but unique pain, and I wanted something, needed something, had to say something—

Warmth against my lips. I thought it might have been smoke, but it was Diego and one slow and long kiss. My first one. Technically.

I tried kissing him back, and the pain rushed past my ribs and I felt relief. I needed more of that, how could I get more of that? I kissed him again, and relief rushed through me. And again. And again.

Diego had to pry himself away from me. When he finally stepped back, I was crying. I wasn't sure when that started.

"You okay?" he said, going back to tending the fire.

There was no pain anymore, but I remembered it anyway, and it might as well have still been there. "I feel like crap," I said.

Diego shrugged. "It doesn't get better."