Forged in Fire (Forgotten Series, #2)

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Two and a Half Months Later

"Not talking about it makes it worse." Amber's voice was starting to grate on my ears. I ground my teeth together as Ainsley patted my hand gently. I wanted to swat at her but she was my closest friend. She sometimes irritated me to the point where I wanted to shove her under a bus but she was the one constant in my life. The one person who I could rely on completely to be there for me.

"I'm... upset." I ground the word out and Amber hummed slightly. I narrowed my eyes at her. I didn't like the female. We butted heads too much. It didn't help I had been practically forced into therapy.

"You have a bigger vocabulary than that, Shey. Please use it." her calm voice was irritating and I stared at her breathing heavily as Ainsley hummed at me, a low tone she had discovered helped me relax. I had no idea why it worked but it always did.

"I'm angry." I gave it up and Amber nodded, writing in her notebook before she glanced at me.

"That's better. Why are you angry?" Her pen tap-tap-tapped on the notebook and I wanted to throw it across the room, the sound grating on already agitated nerves.

"Well I don't know really. My mate ran off after forcibly claiming me and hasn't called or contacted me in anyway to let me know he's not dead, so that might be a part of the problem but you know... I just don't know." I glowered at the blond doctor and she gave me an unimpressed look. Ainsley let out a low sound of protest at the slight hostility in my voice but I ignored her.

"Sarcasm is a defensive mechanism, Shey." Amber let out a sigh as she clasped her hands together and leaned on her makeshift desk. I didn't see the point in her staying. I didn't need help but apparently everyone around me disagreed and so I was forced into therapy at metaphorical gun point and in Gamgam's case I actually believed it was literal.

"Sarcasm is my friend." I spat it back at her and she blinked at me.

"Emotions are your friends." She said it calmly, her voice never going over a certain level and my eyes narrowed to slits.

"Emotions are w-" I cut myself off and closed my mouth with a snap. That little slip was going to get me a lecture.

"Emotions are what, Shey?" Amber's eyebrow rose and I looked away from her, crossing my arms over my chest. "You view emotions as weak and unneeded. You are emotionally stunted." I grimaced at the words. She used them all the time. "You are emotionally detached, stunted if you will, you avoid emotions and push them away. This is most likely a result of the rejections and your PTSD you suffer from the death of your mother." It was enough to make me want to gag.

"I'm fine." I stressed the word and Amber gave me a look that told me how much she didn't believe me for a single second.

"You can't talk about your emotions and you repress them, pushing them away until they become so massive they simply unleash in a torrent that threatens to drown you." She looked at me almost sadly and picked up her notebook. "You need to learn how to express your emotions constructively. You need to learn how to embrace them. Now let's try this again." She coughed lightly and I looked at my lap, frowning darkly. "How are you feeling, Shey?" Her tone was light and Ainsley hummed at me, that low soothing tone that made my dark mood fade away. I let out a small sigh, they wouldn't stop until I gave in.

"I feel... I feel..." I stared at my lap, trying to decipher my emotions. I rubbed at my forehead. "I feel... scared?" I glanced at Amber and she gestured for me to continue. I let my gaze fall back onto my hands and I clasped them together. "I don't know what to do. The pack keeps looking towards me but I'm scared to make a mistake." I let out another small exhale, thinking about my emotions made me a bit panicky. "I don't want to fuck up. I'm the Alpha Female now and there's a lot of pressure on me." Not just figurative pressure. The pressure of having so many mind links in my head has been so overwhelming that I had constant headaches for the first month after the claiming. Add that to the fact I was also overly emotional and puking my guts out due to stress. I was not a very pleasant person to be around. I was constantly surprised when I would roll out of bed the next day and find Ainsley willing to be around me.