We lay spent in each other's arms while my mind was doing 180 thoughts a second. Was it safe? What if I'd get pregnant? How would my family react if I'd suddenly tell them that I am carrying someone's, practically a stranger's, child? Why the fuck did we not use a condom?
"Anong iniisip mo?" Iggy asked before he tenderly kissed my cheek. "Tell me..."
I sighed. "Bigla akong natakot. Paano kung mabuntis ako?"
"Pananagutan kita."
I turned my head to look at him. "Kahit hindi mo ako kilala?"
He groaned. "Eira, 'eto na naman tayo. We have a lifetime to get to know each other. At kung may mga ugali ang isa't isa na hindi natin masakyan, we have a lifetime to make adjustments."
I did not respond.
"Sabihin mo sa akin ang totoo, ano ba talaga ang iniisip mo?"
"Anong pangalan ng Daddy mo?"
"Bernard Moore."
"Mommy mo?"
"Amalia Castañeda."
"Did you graduate from college?"
"No," he said. "May difference ba kung hindi ako nakapagtapos?"
I shook my head at him. "Wala. Pero gusto kong malaman kung bakit hindi ka nakapagtapos."
"Sinisimulan ko pero nawawalan ako ng ganang tapusin. I took up Fine Arts in FEU 'tapos lumipat ako sa CEU-Manila, Information Technology, 'tapos nag-transfer ako sa Columban College dito sa Olongapo where I took up BS Architecture then I processed my transfer to La Salle St. Benilde kasi 'yung ex ko d'un nag-aaral kaso naghiwalay kami kaya kahit admitted ako, hindi ako tumuloy."
"Huhulaan ko, nag-FEU ka noon kasi doon din pumasok 'yung isa mong ex. 'Tapos naglipat ka ng CEU kasi taga-d'un naman 'yung girlfriend mo n'ung time na 'yun. Then bumalik ka rito kasi may nahanap ka na namang girlfriend na sa Columban College nag-aaral."
He laughed softly. "Medyo."
I couldn't help but frown. "Iggy, you are living for others. Kaya wala kang tinapos kasi nakadepende 'yung kurso mo at kung saan mo gustong mag-aral sa kung saan nag-aaral 'yung karelasyon mo n'ung panahong 'yun."
"Turned off ka na?"
"Hindi. Pero, I want to ask, what is it that you really want?"
"Gusto ko lang ng buong pamilya, Eira. Simula't sapul 'yun lang talaga ang pangarap ko. Siguro para sa'yo ang babaw ng pangarap na 'yun dahil buo ang pamilya mo but I grew up without a family beside me kaya 'yun ang hinahanap ko."
"What was your childhood like?"
"Lonely. Painful. Sad."
"Bakit?"
"I was two years old n'ung nag-asawa si Mama. Kaya lang hindi ako matanggap n'ung napangasawa n'ya kaya sinasaktan ako ng stepfather ko. It got to a point where I was hospitalized because he broke three of my ribs and fractured my skull."
I stared in alarm at him. "What?"
"'Yun...he was abusive towards me."
"Oh, God..."
"When I turned six, 'yung kinakasama ng kapitbahay namin na sundalong Amerikano, he helped me find my father. Naawa s'ya sa akin kaya s'ya ang gumawa ng paraan para makuha ako ng tatay ko at madala ako sa Amerika."
"Pumayag Mama mo?"
"Oo. Nakatanggap sila ng asawa n'ya ng pera galing sa tatay ko bilang kabayaran sa pagpapalaki nila sa akin."
