Everything You Never Knew

I hope you read this, or don't

Hi. This is another letter goodbye that I have to write, because it seems like I can't ever say goodbye to you. But, I have to.

So, I want to talk about a few things. 

You had my heart from the very beginning, and maybe now you still do. For some reason, I can't get over you. As we grow from friends, to lovers, then friends again, my love for you grew even more. It was so much more from the last time we both parted ways.

You know what makes it so hard to let go? It's the fact that I believe you'll always be the one I can truly love. I'll always smile at the thought of you waiting in front of my house, listening to me play a song in the piano, and clapping at the very end. I'll always remember our late night drives, how we went home from the party early because we just didn't feel like ourselves. How we would fight with each other so honestly, but laugh so hard and make up every time.

But, we both know we're not meant to be. We talked about how we are inevitable, but I guess we're also impossible, a paradox I can't seem to understand. Well, who am I to think of how the world works? All I know is that right now, I have to learn to let you go and I have to learn to love myself, or else I'll never be able to do so for the rest of my life.

I don't want to lose you, and that is why I never want you to know about this. I never want you to know how much you mean to me, and how happy you make me feel, because I'm so scared of losing you. But, this little spark inside me also hopes that one day you'll find out, in hopes that maybe we can start over again.

Even if I keep on denying that small hope, I know I have to let it die out eventually. I know that I have to let you go, because I can't have you, and that's okay. I have to let you go, because someone else is out there for me, and someone else is out there for you too, we just have to wait and see.

So, this is another letter goodbye, and I hope that this will finally be it. Even if this is goodbye, I'll always love you, but I'll love you from a distance, and maybe I'll learn to love you the way I should, as friends. I will be happy for you, always, and you know that I'll always support you, no matter how crazy your dreams may sound. I'll always be there for you.

And one day, when you finally find a girl who is so lucky to have you, I will try my best to be happy for you, I promise you that. I hope she knows how lucky she is, and I hope she doesn't take your love for granted, because that was what I did when I had you.

So, my final word for you is thank you. Thank you for showing me what truly loving someone feels like. Thank you for sharing so many memories with me that I'll tell to my grandkids one day when they ask me who you are from our old polaroids. I hope that we'll keep on making memories together, because I love you, and I don't think anything can ever change that. But for now, it's a goodbye. It's a goodbye to all the hopes, chances, and what ifs. It's a goodbye to the love I can't ever have, but also a thank you to the love I was able to feel. Thank you.