Not tolerable enough to tempt me(Modern Pride and Prejudice)

Chapter 9

Elizabeth was at a loss.

What just happened?

She had just finished reading Mr. Darcy's letter and she was torn. Firstly, she was confused. Is what he said about George Wickham true? But then, she continued to think about it and she realized that he would not tell a lie that so closely involved Georgiana. Although he was proud and practically unfeeling, she did know that he cared greatly for his sister. 'He also said that I could use Anne Darcy as a reference' she thought 'he would never suggest that if it was false. So it surely must be true.'

Eventually she concluded that it was indeed true.

She also was confused about his change in regard towards her between their conversation and the letter. How could someone do such a thing? One point baffled her most.

He was thankful for her angry reprimand. Why?

Elizabeth reread that part of the letter several times before she came to some kind understanding. He seemed to explain that he was thankful that someone had finally told him that his character was shameful. He also seemed to punish her in any way for her boldness. If anything, he was making it easier on her by leaving on business. She was grateful, since she does not think she could face him everyday at the house and at work.

That also led her to her next emotions. She felt guilt and shame. Yes, she was correct that his behaviour towards her was bad, but she was so outspoken. She started to realise that her behavior herself was not perfect either. She held a prejudice towards him from the beginning. Of course he would be hesitant towards someone else joining the family and doing an internship at Pemberley inc. after all that has happened with George. Maybe he could have used a better approach or tried to get to know her and realise that she posed no threat, but wasn't that what they thought of George? She assumed that Darcy's thoughts were that the less connected he was to her the less she was to the family, therefore the less she could hurt them. The further in depth she pieced together the events of recent months, the more shame and guilt she felt. Why had she believed Wickham? She didn't even know him and he was associated with Caroline Bingley, who hates her beyond anything else. She believed him over William and she has known him and his family for much longer all because she held a petty prejudice against him because he insulted her at their first meeting. An insult that she now realised that was not really directed at her, but at events of the past.

Finally, after a long time of reading the letter over and over and deciding what it meant, she had one last question. What did she think of William Darcy?

She knew she no longer hated him with all her being since that was caused by George's false accusations, but what did that mean? She also knew that some of his behaviour could be connected with past events so she could also pardon him there. Finally, it was absolutely shocking that he actually apologized for his past behaviour and made no attempt to restate his previous request. He made sure to tell her that he expected nothing from her and that she made him see his poor character and would like to fix it. That, she thought, if he was able to do that, would be admirable.

So with that, she came to the realization that she no longer held feelings of anger or hatred and if he could in fact, change his character towards new acquaintances to what it is towards close friends and family, that she could see herself being better acquaintances, maybe even friends with him. This change was shocking to her, but also after all the time she took to think over his letter it felt like the right thing to do.

Now that she came to this conclusion, she resolved to do three thing;

First, was to continue her relationship with Anne and Georgiana Darcy with as little change possible. She did not want them to find out about what has happened for their sake, her sake, and William's. She knew that what happened last year still affects Georgiana and she didn't want to ruin their relationship.

Second, she wanted to continue school and work as if nothing had happened because she knows that worrying about it would not solve any problems.

And lastly, she was going to make sure that after today, she would always remember to not let her prejudices get in the way of seeing the truth.