Fools in Love

19. Nervous Nerves

The time taunts me. The light of my phone burns my eyes even when the brightness is swiftly lessened. I'm out of bed ahead of my alarm blaring. Actually, one could argue I didn't even sleep. I've been tossing and turning all evening, envisioning all the scenarios that may play out today. But I've made up my mind and I know, no matter how much I go over what I want to say, once I see Matt I'll forget every word.

Since we don't share a class on Monday, technically, we aren't meant to see each other. However, we've been having lunch together so, to make sure that's still a go, I shoot him a quick text.

Me: Morning

Ah...I don't know what time he wakes up.

Me: Sorry if I woke you up...

Matt: Morning. No worries, I was up.

Me: Meet up at the library for lunch like usual?

Matt: Sounds good

Staring at our message, I wonder what he's thinking. Is he as nervous as I am? Has he been worried all weekend? Am I a jerk for hoping so? Liking someone is strange. We don't want them in pain, yet we hope they are as troubled about us as we are them. Guess we all turn into a bit of a hypocrite when we like someone, huh?

Of course, the promise of meeting up at lunch while knowing what I want to say makes getting ready much harder than usual. I'm acting like a dork on their first date and...well, I guess that's...sort of true. If everything works out then this will be my first "real" relationship. Again, not sure if my boyfriend at 14 counts as an actual relationship. It was more cute, nothing happened, but with Matt...

I shake my head, dispersing the thoughts of our possible future together. I can't imagine anything! We need to see how we work out now, like Bridget said. Focus on the now, Dana!

In the bathroom, I check my appearance longer than ever. Not that I know how to change my appearance. Tori has some hair product but, honestly, I've never tried it out and I'm too nervous to mess up so badly it's unsalvageable now. In the end, I get to class almost ten minutes late thanks to my fretting. Tori notices this, but he must sense my nerves because, for once, he doesn't pry. I'm grateful that even he has boundaries.

Time continues to torment me. The minutes span into hours. I swear each time I glance at the clock, we somehow go back a minute. Lectures become nothing more than background noise to my raging nerves. The only sound ringing in my ears is that of my rapidly beating heart that refuses to give me a moment of reprieve. There's no point trying to pay attention in class. I'll have to read the notes over again later.

By the time lunch arrives, I'm a nervous wreck, which is saying a lot considering how much of a nervous wreck I usually already am. I'm surprised my teeth aren't chattering on my walk to the library.

"You got this," I whisper to myself when stepping through the doors. "You already know he likes you back. Why are you freaking out? Stop it. Be cool. Be cool."

As if telling myself to be cool will somehow make me cool. Pretty sure it does the opposite.

While in the elevator, I notice something is off. I'm not entirely sure what until I move through the fourth floor to find Matt sitting at the usual table.

Our food! I forgot to ask what he wanted to eat!

Too late to go back now seeing as Matt has spotted me. He stands up, knocking his knee against the table leg in the process with a pained hiss. I snort, lowering my head to keep him from spotting my amusement. That lightened the atmosphere a little.

"Hey," Matt greets me with a wave that I mirror.

"Hi."

We're silent, and it has nothing to do with being in the library.