Fools in Love

22. A Dose of Weird, Coming Right Up!

"So, what did you think of your first photoshoot?" asks Matt on the car ride home.

"It was...a lot more than expected," I answer, thinking of how we were there for a whooping eight hours. I expected two at the most, but there was the time taken for makeup, setting up the scene, the actual shots, changing and even fixing makeup to fit the new outfit. It was crazy!

I try not to think of Camille; the sight of the two of them in front of the camera. They looked good together--

Didn't I say I'm not going to think about it?

"That's it?" Matt asks, glancing at me out of his peripheral. He's hard to look at. With his hair still styled, and the images of earlier stuck in my head, he's somehow even more attractive than usual. That's unfair.

"What else is there to say?" I tease, sensing that he wants me to bring up something specific. I'm not sure what, but his pout states my assumptions to be true.

"What did you think of the models at the photoshoot?"

I snort. "Are you asking what I thought of you?"

"Not me in particular, but in general."

There was only him and Camille so I take this opportunity to tease him more; "Camille's really pretty. She knows how to work a camera."

His shoulders slump.

"But I prefer the male model more," I add, twiddling my thumbs in my lap. "He was cool."

"Cool?" Matt hums.

"And a tiny bit handsome."

"A tiny bit," he chuckles, suddenly reaching over to take my hand. My entire body heats up from the mere intertwining of our fingers. I relish in this feeling, trying to ignore the self hatred from earlier. It seems like Matt had fun today. I don't want to ruin his mood, but most importantly, I don't want to face my own somber thoughts.

"What about you?" I inquire. "Was today ok? Better than you expected?"

Matt hesitates, eyes dim for a moment until he suddenly smiles. I can sense his relief on the air, hear it in his voice when he responds, "Yeah, much better than expected."

"Are you going to start up more work then?"

He tilts his head from side to side, thinking my question over. In the end, he groans, "I don't know. Would be tough with school."

I nod.

"But today made me realize how much I actually missed it," he whispers. The smile he wears is somewhere between melancholic and joyous, which is an odd thought. "I thought it'd be tedious or bring up only bad memories, but it didn't."

"That's good, right?"

"Guess so."

I wish I could be simply happy for Matt, but there's a shadow of a thought in the back of my mind. The fear grows. What will happen should Matt return to the spotlight? What will happen to our relationship? There will be requests for photoshoots, drama's, movies, endless possibilities that I doubt I can begin to comprehend. Our time will lessen, and while that often happens with couples, it's safe to say ours will be an extreme. There will be eyes on him, interest, and constant reminders that Matt can have so much more than me.

Being scared is hard. Somehow, telling someone you're scared is even worse.

~~~~~~

Christmas break is fast approaching. The once cool autumn weather has morphed into blistering winter winds. With that wind comes the first snowfall. I wish I was with Matt to see it. Unfortunately, I'm a few minutes away from getting off from an extra shift at work in the middle of the week. Matt is in class so I have to walk back. Not as many students are walking about now that it's so cold, which means we're pretty dead. Normally I'd be ok with that, now this feels like a waste. Matt and I could be together, skip class to watch the snow or something.