Daddy's Little Girl

Chapter 32

Braxton

I wake to a start when I feel Emily moving. She flips over and sees me then pulls away. I stand up and take a deep breath.

"Emily, I'd like to explain. You don't owe me anything and I'll understand if you knee me in the balls, but please."

She sits on the edge of the bed and looks at me, so I take that as a yes.

"I was terrified when you started spotting. I know that you were so scared, but I felt as if I couldn't protect you. Again. I failed you and you almost died, both of you. I could have lost all three of you and I didn't know how to deal with the fact that it was my fault, so I pushed it down."

I pause and take a deep breath before getting to the harder stuff.

"To see you so scared for our son was unbearable. When we were at the doctor's office and you were asking over and over again if he was okay, I was scared Dr.Davidson would say something was wrong. But then everything was okay, but you weren't convinced. I didn't know how to help."

I go to continue, but Em opens her mouth so I pause.

"Braxton, you did. Yes, I was terrified, but just knowing you were there helped. When you stopped in the office and just held me. I felt safe, I knew you wouldn't let anything happen to us, your gentleness with me and how you talk to our baby helped. I heard him say everything was fine, but it didn't feel fine. You helped."

"It didn't feel like it. But then you stopped bleeding and you could relax again. I'm not sure if you felt like everything was going to be okay, but it seemed like you were okay. You didn't give me that expression of fear all the time anymore, but I was still so scared. Hell, I still am. I thought if you were always resting then you would both be okay. I know that wasn't right, but I didn't know how to help you. You are carrying our baby, I feel like I don't do enough for you, so I thought I would keep you off your feet. I know I drove you crazy and I'm sorry, but I was just trying to do what I couldn't before, keep you safe. When you carried Cora up the stairs, I snapped. I thought you weren't being careful enough. I know that you weren't trying to hurt anyone, but all I could see was your face in tears in that doctor's office. I know that if we lose our baby that I'll lose you too. I could try as hard as I want, but I know it would change us. I can't imagine a life without you, so I tried to keep you safe in the only way I could." I can count on one hand the times i've cried in the past year and now I'm crying twice in one day.

My tears are silent, but I can tell I'm not too far off from sobbing again. Thinking about losing them is painful.

"I didn't feel like everything was going to be okay. I was still scared, but I was trying to believe the doctor and my body. Like I said, you were helping. Being here for me is everything I needed. It wasn't your fault that we got in the accident and I have never blamed you for that. There is no way it's your fault, Brax. But what you said hurt me so badly. Do you really believe that stuff?"

Her voice is pained and I hate that I did this to her.

"Of course not. Everything I said was completely wrong, baby. It was my fault that I wasn't here when Cora was a baby. I got wrapped up in my attraction for you and never even thought about talking about myself. It was so inconsiderate to say that you don't think about how much I love our baby and how he is mine too. I know you know that I love him and I was scared that you wouldn't lean on me when he is born. You do everything for him already and I don't know how to care for a newborn. The worst thing I said was how you were intentionally hurting our little boy. I'm so sorry, Em. I'm so so sorry. I know with everything in me that you weren't, but I can't lose you both. I love you. I fucking love you and I can't lose you. I can't fail at protecting you again. I had one job to make sure you were safe and I let you down twice. You would be better off without me, but I'm a selfish asshole that loves you. So I can't let you go. I will fight with everything I have. Please give me a second chance. I was so wrong before. Please, Em." I'm pleading and sobbing and my face is on fire. The sobbing is so painful with all the swelling and bruises, but I would take that beating over and over again if it means Emily will take me back again.