From: Your Secret Admirer

Chapter Fourteen

I hadn't talked with Ryan for approximately forty-eight hours, but it felt like forever. I kinda missed him. Mer said that I should just give Ryan some space for the moment, so I decided to postpone sending him a text message.

Mer and I went to the school that Sunday evening for the awarding ceremony and the end-of-the-intrams concert. For the concert, each college would have a band to represent the different colleges of our university. And I guess Luke's band would be representing the College of Nursing.

I suddenly remembered Luke and the shocking revelation of his sexuality. Instead of getting bummed out on losing a potential boyfriend due to this pesky love curse, I just found the whole thing hilarious. No wonder he did not even try to kiss me when he drove me home that night after their gig--he was fantasizing about my best friend the whole time!

We made our way near the front of the stage and the program started.

The college of Engineering won first place for bagging most wins, followed by the college of Architecture then the college of Science and Mathematics. Our college was... let's just say that we don't have plenty of great players in our team.

After the awarding, the bands started their numbers. For our college, I was right to expect Luke and his band to sing. They were already halfway through their third song when I saw Mark approaching me.

"Hey Dumbo!" His usual way of greeting me--I was used to it now, I guess. He gave Mer a smile of acknowledgement.

"Oh hey, Mark," I said. "Hey, congratulations to your college! Second place is good."

"We're cool at second place. At least we won the gold in soccer."

"I know. Those were great matches, though."

"I know, right? I mean, of course we won due to my awesomeness."

He just had to find a way to be exhibit the qualities of a jock. "Right. You and your awesome awesomeness."

"Hey, I was just kidding you," he said with a chuckle. "But honestly, I gave it my all best."

"I know. And I admit, even though it pains me to do so, but I will admit you were really good out there in the field."

"That was because I was trying to impress you."

I bit my lip. Mark will always be Mark. And no matter how obnoxious he was sometimes, he still could make my heart flutter. I felt that pleasant shiver running down my spine again and this uncontrollable urge to giggle. "Well, I was impressed."

It was when Luke's band finished their set of songs when I felt Mark's fingers wrapped against mine, and another jolt of electricity ran towards my shoulders and ribcage. I allowed him to hold my hand. I sneaked a peek at him out of the corner of my eyes and I saw him staring ahead with a smile on his face.

The next band was up on stage. I wasn't aware that they had already set themselves up because I was too busy sneaking glances at Mark. He looked awfully cute tonight, if I might add.

The band on stage started their first song. I recognized the song as Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran

And then I heard it. The voice was familiar, resembling a poignant memory of whispers and lullabies. I knew that voice.

I raised my eyes towards the stage, and I saw him. He was singing while playing the rhythm, or was it lead guitar? I don't know--I was not that knowledgeable when it comes to instruments.

Ryan was singing, but the lyrics that left his lips felt like a caress on my cheeks. And it was as if he was talking to me. He was not even looking at me, but it felt like as if he was standing right in front of me and he was trying to tell me something.

I felt his emotions--I heard the sadness in his voice, along with something else... I felt his love... for Olivia.

I sighed as I saw him smiling at someone to the left. That's when I saw Olivia standing at the side of the stage giving him thumbs up then pointing a finger towards the front.

Ryan shifted his gaze in front and that was when our gazes locked. For a moment, I felt that it was just the two of us with him in front of me and serenading me. I couldn't take my gaze off him as he continued to sing. But then he closed his eyes as he neared the end of the song.

I felt confused. What was that I felt? There was something in his voice that made me yearn for him. I guess I really miss my best friend.

They started their second song, and the intro was familiar. It was an old song (not that old, but not new either) that Ryan would sing for me back when we were in third year high school. He said it was his favorite.

When he sang the chorus of Crazy for this Girl, his eyes locked with mine once more. And this time, he did not let go of our gaze. He continued to look at me as he sang the lyrics as if it was words he wanted to tell me. It felt as if he was trying to tell me something through his song.

I felt something in my heart--I felt a sudden longing. I longed, yearned for him, for Ryan. I felt an ache in my heart and I wanted to run towards him on the stage to ease my ache.

I felt Mark's hand tightened his hold on my fingers, and that was the only time I realized that he was with me. Or that I was holding my breath for a long time.

Ryan finished his song and switched places with another guy who would be the vocalist this time. They paused for a minute break and I saw Ryan going to the side towards Olivia. She smiled at him and whispered something in his ears, causing Ryan's face to light up with a smile.

For the very first time in my entire life, I felt so jealous of Olivia. I never felt that way before with Amanda. I wanted to be the one beside Ryan, telling him he did well and he sang great. I wanted to be the one to whisper in his ear how proud I was with him. I wanted to be that girl.

And now it pained me to realize that I could never be that girl.