From: Your Secret Admirer

Chapter Seventeen

I had no idea if he was still there. It was already five in the afternoon when I arrived at the playground where we wrote this letter. I walked towards the same tree where we sat two years ago. And there, sitting under the tree on the grass, I saw him. He was leaning back on the trunk, one knee drawn up and his elbow resting atop his knee.

I approached him, and when he saw me, a smile of relief spread across his face. I sat beside him and placed my head on his shoulder.

"Took you that long to realize it, huh?" he said.

"I'm sorry," I answered. "I guess I was as clueless as Mer."

I felt him clasping his fingers around mine. "Remember that time, after you had helped me with Amanda and we started dating? You asked me if I fell in love with you."

"Yes, I remembered."

"I said no. But I lied. I fell in love with you, Ky. And I tried so hard not to. Then when Amanda broke up with me, I was devastated, but you were there by my side the whole time. You helped me moved on. And then I realized it was you. It had always been you. It was really you who I love."

"Oh, Ryan..."

"I tried telling you but I thought you were still not ready to know it that time. And you were convinced that you're cursed. So I waited for the right moment. But then, I could no longer wait until you realize that the curse is not real."

"You're really full of surprises, Ry," I answered. I remembered what I told Mer, about what I liked in a guy. I thought I was making it all up. But unconsciously, I was citing the qualities I had found and liked about Ryan.

He was as charming as a boy-next-door.

He knew how to fight like a bad boy--he fought Mark when we were in fifth grade when Mark made me cry.

He was into sports--he was the best three-pointer there was during intramurals.

He was my mysterious secret admirer.

He was funny--he would always find ways to make me laugh and smile.

He was sweet, knew how to play the guitar and he has an IQ of above average, if not a genius.

He was a fan of my horrible cupcakes since we were kids.

And so I guess it was Ryan all along. It was Ryan who I wanted. I was just so clueless not to realize it until I saw him and Olivia together.

I leaned in closer to him. "I have always loved you, too, Ry."

I felt him kissed the top of my head. "I know. I have always known. You're the only one who has been clueless all these years."

"How about Olivia? I thought you liked her?"

He made a chuckle. "Oh, that. Olivia is, uhm, my cousin."

I moved away from him and scowled. "What did you say?"

"She's a cousin from Davao who decided to study here. I asked her for some advice and she said she would help me."

I slapped his shoulders. Really, this guy! "So your plan was to make me jealous? You could have just told me. Geez, you could have save time and effort."

"What can I say? I always go for the romantic way."

I rolled my eyes while saying, "Your peom wasn't even that good, by the way." But I couldn't help myself from smiling. He was right, though. I find the whole thing romantic. I guess he just wanted my first experience of love to be somewhat special. When I was with him, there was no electricity coursing through my veins. I didn't even feel my skin was on fire and alive when we held hands.

But deep inside here in my heart, I felt incredibly happy and satisfied. It felt perfect, and I knew he was really the one my heart yearned for.

Love, I guess, was not measured with how many times you feel butterflies in your stomach. Or how many times you felt your cheeks getting warmed. It was even not associated with the electricity when skin to skin contact was made.

No.

Love was something one would feel towards someone who you're comfortable to be with, or to someone who you feel safe with. It did not necessarily mean that you would both be happy all the time, but when you're together, you both knew you could survive whatever problems that would come along. Love had so many facets that one would not immediately recognize that it was already in front of us. I guess, sometimes it takes time for us to see and recognize love.

Love. It's funny. I thought it would never want to stick with me, but it did.

"I will always love you, Ky," he whispered.

I gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "I will always love you, too, Ry."