screaming against my pillow at night
the house is quiet, left a dim light
while restless shadows walk around me
trapped inside the metal walls of my soul
lost thoughts float in my brain
contemplations of my past, present, and future
rain pouring down my eyes
the slip is wet with worries,
hidden in desguises
to mask the bad choices in my journeys
my heart is distressed,
a ladden of woe, a manifest
there's an emptiness deep in my throat
where all the words build up
a helpless feeling
of never healing
(from the deaths)
of being unappealing
(from the tests)
of having nothing
(except for requests)
of dealing with the dead
(with no success)
of saying goodbye to my childhood
(an infinite amount of stress)
and of becoming an adult
(forced to wear a battle dress)
I don't remember despising life
when I was a child
but now the only thing I wait
is for me to forfeit
and death to come,
because I'm defiled
there's no path for me in this world
no hope, no happiness
for me there's only waiting,
aching, crying and
hating my existence
it's the price I pay for
having no calling:
stepping out of the door
the black cloaked man
is taking too long,
and when my bags are ready
I hear a swan song
