Tears Of Sorrow

I'll be okay. Is that what you want me to say?

That night I slept on the couch and Elijah and Evan slept in their rooms. Me and Elijah usually share a room, but not this time. Not now. I sat awake for what seemed like seconds, then minutes. Hours went by and I just sat there, alone in the dark. Making reasons why this is right. It was 2am and the house was silent, the sound of the front door made me nervous about the fact that Elijah or Evan may wake up. I remember that my bags were still in that tree, three trees left and one up from the house. "There," I said. I began to climb the tree throwing my bags down trying not to make too much noise. I grabbed them and made sure everything was in there, my clothes, my toothbrush and everything else I needed. But one thing was missing from the house that was in my bag. My letter, my goodbye letter. For Elijah, I was gonna leave it yesterday morning but I didn't cause I got caught. As I placed the letter, I read it over and it made me cry. I never realized my life without Elijah. But, what has to be done, must be done right. This may not be the proper goodbye, so I snuck upstairs and placed my note on his bed where I would sleep.

The letter that read:

Elijah, we have been through 12 years of hell here. We had fights, and we had romance. We were young and we were stubborn. But I knew you were the one. Now you may say this is wrong, but I have to leave. I have to. There is so much about my family and my life that I don't know. Maybe one day, I'll Come back. But until then, keep fighting. And keep yourself and Evan out of trouble. Sean shouldn't be a problem now that I am gone. You knew I would leave eventually to find my peace of mind, but I have to leave you behind. Bringing you with me is just too much to handle. Having pieces of my past, still haunting me in my future isn't what I want. I know you don't understand, but you will, I promise. Just give it time and you'll understand why I left and why this is so important. I can't put into words how much this hurts me, to be leaving you. You were my light at the end of the tunnel. And that light has never gone out, and never will. I promise one day, I'll come back, but for now I need to find peace with my past and my family. I may find them for once, and I'm not gonna give up the chance of seeing them again.

I know I said that I hated them, but they are my family too and I have to find them. You know that. You have known that. For years. When you came into my life, something happened. I was happy for once. And I will always be happy when I'm with you. But everything changes right? I am still so happy but I can't be happy with you by my side right now. And no I'm not breaking up with you, I'm just saying that I can't have you with me if I'm going to do this. If I'm gonna do this, I have to do it alone. I can't be worried about how you feel about my decisions all the time. It's my life and I need to live it, by myself. I don't know how long I'll be gone.

But I may be gone for 2 days or 2 years, but I promise I will come back to you. And maybe we can get out of here, maybe even move away from here to that place called California you talked about. But we have to look forward to things, then look at things and wish they changed. You need to move on from me leaving and find a way to live life without me for now, hunt, live and survive without me. I know you can do it. Before I met you that's all you did. So do it again. I know you'll be just fine without me for now. Just give it time and the pain will pass, if there will be any pain at all. I really am sorry but you know why I am doing this. And when I do find my peace. I don't know what I'll do. But I'll figure it out and I'll come back to you.

I love you Elijah I really do and I'm sorry.

Goodbye,

Jordyn