SCARY LOVE - matt sturniolo

012. (who's this)

SCARY LOVE

CHAPTER TWELVE
[irl, social media, imsg]

"who's this"
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TW: mentions of ed

today everyone decided they were going to the beach. flor was scared. that meant she had to wear a bathing suit, everyone was going to look at her. look at her figure, think about the way she looked, judge her about her body. of course no one was going to do that but flor tends to overthink until her own thoughts start to eat her out.

"okay guys let's get going" matt said, picking up the keys of laura's car because she was kind enough to lend it. matt stayed back though, seeing that flor hadn't moved of her spot while everyone was already getting inside of the car.

"you okay?" matt said approaching her, noticing her slightly shaking frame the closer he got to flor. "yeah, im fine. i'll be there in a second" flor told him, not noticing how he was already next to her and sitting softly on the couch.

"flower, don't lie to me" matt spoke, putting an arm around her shoulder. not missing the way her body stiffened. she turned to look at him but said nothing. she was afraid that if she spoke she would break down or start ranting nonsense. afraid that matt would judge her because of this stupid little dilemma she was having because she hated the fucking way her stupid body looked. "i know when something is wrong, we've known each other for ages. just please tell me what's wrong so i can help you. i always want to help you" matt said softly while sitting sideways on the couch to look directly at her, wanting his attention on flor and only flor.

"i guess i'm just insecure. and scared" she admitted, hating the way she sounded so vulnerable. how her voice slightly quivered when she spoke up, or how her hands wouldn't stop shaking, even with all the fidgeting she was doing with her rings. matt grabbed her hand softly, but still having a strong grip on it. reassuring her that she could tell him anything with a gentle squeeze. "and why's that" he asked while looking at her in the eyes, not missing how their glossy. they still looked beautiful to him though, he could look at them all day and never get tired of it.

"i'm scared of what they'll think of me. what if they think im ugly? or that im fat? i know we've been working with my ed and shit this past few weeks but i can't help but feel like i deserve it you know?" she started. her voice wavering and on the verge of crying. she wouldn't let herself though, she couldn't be crying over something this stupid, could she? blinking away the tears, accidentally letting one fall. matt being quick to wipe it away with his thumb, not taking his hand away as he cupped her cheek. "that way i'll be pretty and accepted by everyone. that way no one will judge me" flor finished voicing her thoughts. biting her lips to prevent a cry to slip out, she didn't want to cry over this again to matt. he must be getting tired of it.