My Willful flame

Chapter Twelve

"Stop."

Words, calling, demanding, clawing at me in the wind. I didn't want to abide, had no desire to.

"Please," The plea persisted.

I had walked away from the madness, crawled up the hill and found the tree where I buried my bag.

"Where are you going?"

It was hearing the question from a frightened child out of breath. Someone desperate, lost, and searching for safety.

I turned to find Andres's eyes looking at me, his hands were on his hip and he was breathing hard as if he had run to reach me.

I frowned, unsure what he wanted. I had killed for his freedom and yet here he was, asking me where I was going as if he wanted a hand to hold and a path to be shown. Pitiful, like I had once been.

"I, I want to fight with you." He stammered

It was like a ton of bricks burying me and for the first time, I realised something. I was fighting. I was at war. I was fighting against someone I would most likely lose to.

"What makes you think I am fighting?"

"Are you not? You killed those creatures. You set us free."

"That was never my intention."

His expression changed. He was confused and maybe, just maybe, I saw a hint of betrayal in his eyes.

"I don't understand." He shook his head.

"I don't care, I told you. I am not here for any of you. I am not your saviour." I once believed I would have been. That was what everyone preached all the time. I could never escape them. I had a duty. It was my name.

Now everyone had forgotten it and I was no one once again and it felt more liberating than ever. To be just an afterthought. To be the pitying worry that passed quickly through the minds of people.

The princess was dead. Burned amongst all the traitors who would follow her.

It was a worrying calmness.

"You are no spy, yet you wear the clothes off one. You say you do not care yet, you stand here with the blood of our captors spilt over you." Faces started to appear. Faces that had followed him to me. "You say you do not fight, but you carry that weapon." He pointed at my belt and I felt my fingers twitch for it. "The only thing capable of killing them."

"You have become our saviour now and we want to follow you." They all nodded, the bloody brittle men. Beaten to an inch of life and they still had the fire to continue. How could I refuse?

I swallowed hard, shaking my head quickly. "I am no leader. I will not stain myself to protect you if those monsters cross your way." I couldn't. I had one goal. One.

And what did I owe these people? Nothing. Nothing.

"You fight a silent battle, that much is clear. If you won't let us help you then let us follow." He said with pleading desperate eyes, so hungry for more. "They have us stationed all along the railway, repairing it for miles. There are more, more of us. We are going the same way, so why not help each other out?"

They needed me because of the knife, and what if I said no? Would they steal it from me? I couldn't trust anyone. Even if they were good people.

"I can't object," I said clearly and loudly for them all to hear. I counted twelve. The rest have presumably fled after killing Nohr. "But it was pure luck that made it possible for me to kill those men. I won't promise to be all heroic when the time comes. And I will warn you, most of you won't make it. If you insist on following, know that if the mile men don't slaughter you, nature will. The world isn't soft so if you are, turn away now. Go home and try to rebuild what you can." I said knowing there was nothing to rebuild. It was all gone. How cruel was I?

I grabbed for the knife, making sure it was holstered tightly before I turned around and began walking, listening as the footsteps followed.

"I understand," Andres's voice sounded from beside after a moment of silence.

The group was walking slowly. The injured relied on others and the rest watched the ground where they walked. How did they still have spirit? They looked lost, completely beaten.

"Why?" I asked and turned to look at him.

He frowned and compelled a slight bewildered laugh.

"What do you mean? Why I understand?"

"Why would you try? You have freedom now. You can leave, and find some sense of peace again. Why continue when there is nothing left to fight for?" I lowered my gaze.

He bit his cheeks hard and the smile that had followed the laugh, the smile that had probably been the first in months vanished fast. I pitied that. But I was cruel. Cruel with truth. That was my punishment now.

"They died in the fires. My family. I saw them being lied up amongst the flames. My wife held my son in her arms and they still pulled the trigger. They took away the men, to repair the tracks. None of us thought to fight. Our families were dead. There was no hope. Nothing to fight for. Until you."

I looked up.

"Until a girl dressed as a spy slit the throat of the man who had been mocking us. Shooting the other who had been executing us for fun. Until you reminded us that there is more to fight for."

We locked eyes again.

"Revenge."