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𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐘𝐀'𝐒 𝐏𝐎𝐕
Have you ever felt yourself drowning in the river of guilt? I have. Several times.
Have you ever felt that you are lying to yourself? I have. And I am doing that, I am lying to myself and my Vivaan.
He is still my Vivaan. He will always be my Vivaan. Even if he is with me or not.
I don't want him to suffer more because of me. He loves me and all I gave him is hurt, blame and disappointment in return.
Tears flowed from my eyes. I looked in the review mirror, he is watching me go away from him. And I know that I will never return to him.
My tears turned into sobs. All I want to do is go back into his arms. The safest place in this whole world.
He deserves better. And that better is definitely not me.
All I have done for him is hurting him in the worst way possible. And what did he do in return? He always pulled me into his arms and whispered sweet and comforting things to me.
He deserves the world. He deserves everything that I am not able to give him and the things I will never be able to give him ever.
He didn't break his lavender. His lavender broke him.
Everyone thought that he would hurt me in this marriage. But they were wrong, it was me. It was always me who hurt him.
Although I may be physically leaving, my heart will always belong to him. I'll continue to love him, even if it means doing so from a distance, watching him find someone who can give him everything.
If I return to him now, he'll, as usual, open his arms, drawing me into a comforting embrace. My Vivaan is stupid. He always forgives me without fail.
The pain of leaving him is unbearable, my heart breaking in the process.
The past month without him felt like endless nights with an emptiness within, aching and yearning for him. I find myself longing to go back, finding solace in tenderly caressing his photographs.
I want my Vivaan and at the same time I want him to be happy. And he will never be happy with me. He won't be able to bear the thing that I am hiding. And I don't even want to tell him that. It's easier to just walk away.
