Narnia the real story

Chapter 7

I sank to the floor. "Well that's settled then I'm doomed. Hell everybody's doomed. Aslan why me. I mean I'm not even stable. How can I lead these people when I don't even have full control of my own body and mind. I mean it Aslan I have no idea how to fix myself and if that's even possible. Have you seen my arms? Or my thights? I jumped in front of a fucking train. I mean get a clue. What could I give these people besides worries. The world would be so much better of without me. And.." "STOP IT!" Stark yelled at me. He walked to my side and knelt in front of me. Completely surprising me he took my face into his hands and forced me to look at him. "Don't ever let me hear you say that again. It was your bravery and sacrifice that brought them here. Without you they would have been forced to swim in that water and would probably have drowned. Or they would have been killed by those wolves. You may have gone through a lot in your life but that doesn't mean you're worthless or nobody needs you. Understood?" He told me. If I was crying before I was positively bawling my eyes out right now. Before I knew it I was in his arms crying out all of the pain and sorrow I had bottled up all these years. All the time I was crying he just held me. Telling me it was okay to cry and that he was there for me. And for the first time ever I felt loved and wanted. But most of all he gave me hope. Maybe I could get better and I started to let go off everything that had happened to me. Of course it would take time for me to heal but maybe, just maybe I could do it. "Thank you" I whispered to him "Thank you  I really needed this." "You're welcome. And I meant what I said. If you ever want to talk about something I'm there for you. Remember that okay?" He told me. "I... Yes thank you I'll remember." With renewed strength I turned to Aslan. "We need to get Edmund." I told him simply. "Yes Your Majesty we will. ORIUS." He yelled the last part. The centaur came rushing inside the tent. "Yes Your Majesties?" "Orius gather some people you are going to get Edmund" "Yes Your Highness. Your Majesty we do need you maybe you don't believe me but we do. More than you can ever imagine." He said the last part to me bowing deeply at the end and walked out. Suddenly I was very tired. "All of you get some sleep. Edmund will be there when you wake up" Aslan told us. We walked out of the tent. "Sit with me by the fire?" Stark asked me. "Yeah sure. I'm gonna change though because I'm pretty cold." "Yeah sure." I changed and walked with him to the fire. I layed down and put my head on my paws. Stark seemed to hesitate when he wanted to sit down and lean his back on my flank. "I won't bite you know. At least not much" I teased him. He laughed a bit uneasy. "I've seen what you did to those wolves." He shuddered. "I didn't want to kill them you know. But I didn't really have a choice. They would have killed us. And I couldn't let that happen." "Nea can I ask you something?" He asked me. "Nea that's a new one. I like it. But yes Stark ask away." "Why do you hate yourself so much?" He asked me. "I... I" I paused. "It's okay if you don't want to awnser me. I was just really curious" He told me. "No it's alright I'm just thinking about how to tell you so you might understand" I told him. "I hate myself for not being strong enough to stand up to my stepfather. I hate myself because I can't tell anyone eventhough I know some people are really worried about me because he will kill them. I hate myself for hurting myself even though hurting myself started because I hated myself. But now it's just a way I can deal with stuff. When the emotional pain becomes too much I grab a knife and cut so the physical pain dominates the emotional and I can be free for a little while" I told him not knowing why I trusted him so much that I told him everything. I just did. I hadn't even realized that I was crying until Stark wiped a tear from my still feline face. I put my enormous head in his lap and he started petting me. Hesitant at first but after I started purring, (Yes I actually purred) it became steadier. "How does that work. Cutting yourself because you hate yourself but hating yourself for cutting? That just doesn't make any sense." He asked me confused. "I know it doesn't make sense to you but it's a infinite loop. It's... It's an addiction the cutting and I can't seem to get rid of it" There I said it. "Hey I'm here for you. I want to help. There has to be some way I can help" he told me. "I wouldn't know how." I told him honestly. "We'll figure it out." We talked for some time and then we both fell asleep by the fire.