Please spare me, Villain!

Chapter 28

After the old doctor kicked everyone out of my hospital room I finally had peace and quiet. But Luther's laughter wouldn't stop echoing in my mind.

What the hell is that guy's problem? Why is he always laughing so happily and wasting his time in the hospital? His character in the book was more solemn than this and actually did work (from the few chapters I read). He's just an idiot now, where the hell did the scary mafia boss go?

"Urgh, leave it I have other things to think about." I mumbled whilst ruffling my hair.

I could feel a headache coming on from trying to sort out my thoughts as I stared at the empty A5 sheet in front of me.

What was important, what was not? What do I write about? Places? People? The plot line?

A blurry figure slowly brought itself to the front of my mind as I tried hard to recreate her image but found myself struggling. I spent so much time with her yet I couldn't even recall her eye colour. Even her voice was distorted in my memories but the warmth of her embrace and the comfortable feeling brought on by her presence still remained.

Of course she was my mum, but why is it when I try to remember her face I can only see the lady from this world? She didn't raise me so why can I only see her face?

After what seemed like hours I glared at the blank page with hatred before I scribbled harshly on it, trying to get rid of the blanks even if it wasn't with words. Filled with anger I began stabbing at the paper, poking as many holes as I possibly could.

Why was it so hard to remember? I know it's there, I can feel it trying to push through but why won't it resurface?

The pounding in my head became stronger and stronger.  I laid my forehead down on the table to try and soothe the throbbing. The blackened page sat within my peripheral, it seemed to be taunting me. I closed my eyes to drown everything out but the blurry image that refused to focus played in my head instead. I sighed before opening my eyes and turning my head to focus on the paper instead.

Even if I try to remember it doesn't work, so what do I do with this useless head? What do I do with these useless feelings of missing a faceless woman? What am I supposed to do when I keep forgetting things? What else will I forget?

I felt as if I was losing my mind, losing myself.

If I don't have my memories who am I? Will I even be able to remember myself? What if I just don't stop forgetting? Where does it stop, will I eventually forget everything?

I smashed my head against the table once, in an attempt to empty my thoughts? To punish myself? I don't know what I intended to do but the throbbing pain in my forehead distracted me from the pain in my chest.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid. I'm sorry... orr..." I sobbed as I repeatedly smashed my forehead into the table.

Why are you crying for? You're the one who forgot everything so what right do you have to cry? You're just fake crying, how can it be real when you can't even remember who you're crying for? Useless idiot your mum tried her best to raise you and you just sit here and shed a few crocodile tears to get rid of your guilt.

My whole body shook as I tried holding back my tears, I clenched the sheets beneath me in an attempt to stabilise myself. But the more I tried to silence myself the more my choked sobs began leaking out. I tried to muffle the sounds with my blanket and suddenly somehow the blurred figure began coming into focus. My head began pounding and I could hear my heartbeat drumming in my ears. Then all I could feel was pain as my head began aching, the unsettling throbbing sensation became almost unbearable and then... gone. It disappeared as someone grabbed me by my shoulders and pulled me back.

"Y-you what the hell is wrong with you?" Luther shouted as he shook me harshly. "You idiot, why were you smashing your head into-" He stopped abruptly when he saw the state of me. "You're already injured so why are you injuring yourself more?" He let got of me and spoke with a voice that was gentler then earlier.

"Uwaah." I screamed as my tears began streaming down my face. "I... uh... can't..." I tried to speak through my tears but couldn't form a coherent sentence as the sobbing made it hard to breathe.

"Stop crying." He commanded angrily while fidgeting with his hands.

"You... heuk... idiot." I yelled whilst slamming my fists against his chest. As he took on my hits he decided to take a different approach.

"What's wrong?" Luther stood there awkwardly patting my back in an attempt to soothe me while letting me continue beating him.

Luther waited patiently letting me cry it all out. The longer he stood there in silence the more I cried. But the more I cried the more a feeling of embarrassment welled up before I finally hid my face in his shirt. His hand reflexively went to my back and he patted it with jittery motions.

My sobs eventually quietened down to weak whimpers and then silence as Luther's hand rhythmically tapped my back.

"Ahem, are you feeling better now?" Luther asked as I stepped away from him.

"Yes." I mumbled as I covered my face with my hands in embarrassment.

The air stagnated as we both stood frozen in an awkward silence.

A/N: yEET