Fire & Ice - A Draco Malfoy fanfiction

Chapter 35 - Maybe one day I would see him fully, a full moon

Your heart will fix itself. It's your mind you need to worry about. Your mind where you locked the memories, your mind where you have kept pieces of the ones that hurt you, that still cut through you like shards of glass. Your mind will keep you up at night, make you cry, destroy you over and over again. You need to convince your mind that it has to let go...because your heart already knows how to heal.

- Nikita Gill

It had taken me longer than normal to get my emotions under control. Four days to be exact. Four days of trying to act normal whilst battling the crippling anxiety inside. I had fallen apart right in front of his eyes.

The biggest problem wasn't the fact that I had been around Draco, it was the fact that I had cried. I didn't cry, I never did and I knew my father would be disappointed if he knew. I had shown weakness and there was no room for weakness in the Selwyn household.

And over what, Draco Malfoy? Sure, I had caught feelings for him, I couldn't deny that, but the fact that I had let it consume me so much that getting hurt made me cry was unacceptable. That was not who I was as a person. He shouldn't have that kind of power over me.

So after four days, I decided that I was completely done with it. What would happen, would happen, but I was not going to react to it as pathetically as I had done these past few days. I had more important things to focus on, such as the upcoming summer and the O.W.L. exams.

When I looked into the mirror a week after the incident, I was finally satisfied with what I was seeing. I had started this year with one goal and one goal only and that was absolutely killing the O.W.L. exams, getting better grades than Draco bloody Malfoy. I didn't like the Eleanor I saw in the mirror last week and even though it had taken me a couple of days, I was back on track.

I had to get my priorities straight. I needed twelve Outstandings or at least Exceeds Expectations and I was going to get them whatever it cost me.

So I had started studying for these O.W.L.'s as well as I could and no one was stopping me. Definitely not Draco bloody Malfoy.

"Lea, are you done? I need to shower", Tracey complained from the other side of the door. I straightened my robes and walked out.

"All done." No hair out of place, as it should be.

"We'll see you at breakfast, okay?" Daphne shouted at Tracey. She didn't respond, so we just made our way to the Great Hall.

"Good morning, Draco", Daphne chimed as she noticed him in the common room. There hadn't been any real developments since their Hogsmeade date, but Daphne didn't care. She had been on cloud nine since that kiss.

"Morning", Draco mumbled.

DRACO'S POV

Eleanor had changed. Not like that time she found out about Adrian's bet, but quite the opposite really. She had that same demanding presence she had at the beginning of the year.

When she entered the common room, voices spoke a little bit more quietly and when she walked through the hallways everyone moved out of their way with a mixture of fear and fascination on their face.

And she didn't even glance my way, not even accidentally. It was as if I had become air, a mere dust particle in her existence. And I hated it.

But this couldn't just be it. She straight up told me, showed me that she had some sort of feelings for me. She wanted me to kiss her, to genuinely like her. And in the couple of days I had taken to think over those words, she had decided that I didn't matter anymore.