13) TOO LATE

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*Cody Walker's POV

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*Cody Walker's POV

When I closed the door behind me, I sighed. It had been a long day and I was exhausted, so the best thing I could imagine doing was to take a long hot shower. As soon as I made it in my room, I picked some clean clothes and marched into the bathroom. 

I closed my eyes while I let the warm water drench my hair and stream down my face. Somehow my mind wandered to Ian and how I had almost enjoyed his company today.

I thought about the things he had said and how his voice had sounded when he told me he was sorry. Ian had told me he was sorry and I could hear he really meant it.

..but he was more than five years too late.

The damage had been done and no words could ever undone it. Not when I had been shoved to the ground a few times too often. Not when I had been called names, left alone and humiliated way too many times.

There was no going back.

Ian was right, we were only kids back then. Bryce Fletcher was a scrawny 13-year-old, Jeremy Bell didn't have a line of girls waiting for his attention and Kaleb Knight was even shorter than me. Ian was already liked by everyone, yet I was the one he chose to spend his time with.

We used to be friends. All of us. 

I was part of the group and I never had to eat alone at the cafeteria. When we had pair work I never had to worry about not finding a pair; it was always either Ian or some of my three other friends. When I had to make a presentation, my hands didn't shake, because I knew no one was going to laugh at me. No one was calling me names. I had my friends and I knew I could always count on them.

I used to smile all the time. I used to have a loud carefree laughter and I used to be able to keep my head up. I never really felt like the most handsome or funniest boy in the room, but I didn't know what it was like to be called the ugliest guy in the school and I didn't know what it was like to be laughed at instead of laughed with.

Then I had to open my mouth. I just had to open up to Ian, to my closest friend who would never ever break my trust.

He kept my secret — for a while. Until I found out what he was hiding from us all. When he made me promise I would never tell anyone about it, it wasn't a difficult promise to give. 

Ian was my best friend, so there was no way I was going to betray his trust. I was going to take his secret to my grave. I thought Ian would do the same for me. 

Nevertheless, as soon as things got a little difficult for him, he threw me under the bus. In order to keep the attention away from his secret he spilled out mine instead. He told them my secret, made me an easy prey and then he left, taking his secret with him.

I don't think I can ever forget the day when suddenly I wasn't a part of the group anymore. I will never forget the first laughter or the first punch. I'm never going to forget the day I was called the ugliest guy in the school in front of everyone. 

But it wasn't the punches, the laughs or the names that hurt the most. It was knowing what I had and what I could have had, but what I had lost. It was the way I was dropped from a semi-popular guy to the lowest of lowest scum. It was having many friends, then having none at all.

So, even though Ian had said he was sorry, it didn't change anything. Even if he actually stood up for me from now on, that wouldn't change anything either. I was already despised by everyone, I was already broken in so many ways and there was simply no going back. There would have been back then, but there wouldn't be now.

The bathroom was filled with steam by the time I was done. I didn't bother to wait for my hair to dry, before I slumped on the bed in my shadowy room. 

♡♡♡

Question of the day:
Where are you from?

(Me: I'm from Finland 🇫🇮 which is one of the Nordic countries. We're known to be the biggest coffee-consumers in the world ☕ and I think we're also known for Moomins, the sauna, Northern lights and our sullenness. In Finland you can drink and drive when you turn 18. 🍷🚗  What else? Salty liquorice is a big thing here, but I don't like it. Finland is also said to be the happiest country in the world, but I'm not sure if I agree. 😂 Anyway it's nice here.)

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